My Childhood.

From my earliest memories...about 3 years old...I have been terrified of people and the world. I never spoke to anyone except my mum and my brothers and sisters, and then a few friends at school, but never when there was an adult around.I was in and out of hospital a lot since birth with asthma. I never spoke to anyone in the hospital, they all asummed I was deaf, as I would just stare off into space and not even acknoledge they where there. But I could hear and understand everyone just fine. I was just so afraid to utter a single word.When I started school things were no better. I would get in trouble from the teachers for not talking and get kept in at lunch also..and no I am not exagerating, this happened within my first year of school. I remember getting held up against the blackboard and being yelled at in front of the class, all because I wouldnt read aloud to the teacher. I was so scared, I can remember that as if it were yesterday. That was 27 years ago. I didnt have many friends and I hated school, although I didnt show it, even at such a young age I hid my depression very well, although I didnt know how I was feeling wasnt normal. Phsychosis was normal to me as well, not really voices in my head, but forced thoughts that wouldnt go away. I felt like I didnt have my own mind and I couldnt do what I wanted, couldnt talk cause was told by the psychosis not to. My parents never took me to a counsellor or anyone about the way I was, they just told everyone I was shy and thats what they believed. (I have deleted the rest of this entry as I dont want to keep reminding myself about it)