my challenge
I was feeling so detached yesterday - after a moment of feeling happy and strong...
It started with my mind undermining me -
later that day - the detachment may have rub offed on my phone chat with my Dad.
I fear that I upset my Dad because of it.
Rationally I can think it probably didn't affect him so much - but I wish I hadn't felt so detached..
I don't know why I have the challenge I do
but I am seeing it this morning that my mind undermines me
a great deal...Like I want to live in a standard and yet when I feel something
on my own - my mind undermines me
it's like when I have so much of a connection with happiness
there's something in me that undermines my happiness
a fear of exposure a vulnerability - I don't know
and then it's very much like I want to live in someone's standard
to know my place in the world - by filling out or living by someone's standard.
it happens to me all the time
I am trying to live with integrity and so I am writing this out -
It feels somewhat dangerous to write me -
but I have been watching Christian shows this morning -
and indeed they talk about the dark forces that make you feel 'less than'
when you try to achieve positive things.
Maybe there are dark forces in each of us that do the same thing.
Anyways I am trying to live with positivity and integrity.
Replies
a great loneliness. It is hard to live on your own and the superstructures you may have in place to hold
your spirit steady and forwarding moving may not always be enough to carry you through harder times
when you are thinking of others and also are separated from them. Your mind may play tricks on you
to undermine you and turn you towards dark thoughts. Those 'nay saying' spirits - I'll call them - since it
seemed to be what was said on the Christian shows this morning - or the shadow side - as my doc calls it- whatever you call it
- it may bring you to religion and faith and that message of hope and stalwart steadiness - it all may not
be enough in the moment - but hopefully by taking stock of the generality of all things (in the form of a bigger
picture and self forgiveness for my short fallings) - I may just come back to a steady middle place
and ready to move forward with my family zoom meeting ahead and then breakfast with my parents.
I look forward to it - so it goes - keep on keeping on!! :)
sorry this one was weird - I can't wait to talk to my therapist on Friday.
and maybe though you have those superstructures in place at times you have to step out of your comfort zones to be productive in my - you may expose your vulnerability but sometimes you just gotta make a move
the challenge may be to stay self responsible but I can do that - fingers crossed!
peace you guys!
yeah - definitely trying hard to keep on track this morning. Thanks guys for your patience and comradery.
Big hug sweetie.... Sorry that you were feeling some darkness yesterday.... I hope that today will be brighter for you... I think that being kind to you is something that you deserve.... xo
Hugs your way. Good steps pushing through darkness. Thinking in terms of the Spirit rather than the self helps me push through darkness. Keep on keeping on, Markus!
Thanks guys!!!
It’s funny but now that I am with people I can’t wait to be alone... lol yikes!