My Cat Died

My cat died last night from feline leukemia. Today after work I have to take my other 2 cats to get tested. I am very stressed and upset about possibly losing all my babies at once.

I don't want to be at work today but I can't take off because no one is working today because they let so many people take vacation at once. Now I have an emergency and can't take off. I don't wanna be here dealing with stupid people.

They are doing some shitty things at work lately, trying to push me into a dead end job here that I don't like and don't want. It's making me question some decisions I've made in life so far.

This whole thing with the cats brings up memories of other pets I was close to, but it also makes me think of my exes' kids that I got attached to and the feeling of loss I experienced. Not something I want to feel or think about.

I also feel it is causing issues with my fiance. I mean we have issues anyway, but what happened last night with our cat dying really showed off how not hooked up right his brain is. He did not react like a normal person emotionally, and he forgot just a few minutes after about the cats we have at home to worry about, and told me he wanted to go to a friend's house. Showed me what a horrible father he would make. So glad he is sterile and I'm on birth control for medical reasons.

I realized this morning that the reason one of my coworkers is not at work is because she went to our first highschool reunion. I was not invited and didn't even know we were having one. I still don't know where but apparently lots of partying going on. We were in the same class at school and it was a small school, but I get forgotten about and have to work. Im always left out.

And I have to grieve and be responsible and do pretty much everything alone. Always. Even when people are around, I still shoulder all my burdens alone. I'm so sad today. I hope my girls don't have to be put to sleep. I won't be able to come to work.