My Brother's Birthday
I did wish my brother happy birthday and tell him I loved him on his FB. My mother did send him a photo she had of him at 6-years-old with a card (she had this gift ready before she ever got the letter cutting them out of his life). My aunt and uncle stopped by my parents' house and put a note saying, "we thought you might want to go with us to his birthday celebration" on the door since my parents were at red hats. My parents weren't invited. I wasn't invited. And I do find it interesting that my aunt and uncle didn't come by here and offer me to go, either. I live 150 yards from my parents and I was here.
I have since the last time I journaled about his wrote my brother again. I told him that I really could not grasp and understand where he was. I was pretty blunt and he may not have been happy with what I had to say, but I needed to say it. I still cannot understand how he can talk to me about justifying our parents' behaviors and then justify his biological mother's behavior (she committed suicide when he was 6). I straight out asked him why he holds all this resentment for our mom and then idealizes his. As a parent, even through suffering and when I really haven't wanted to go on, my first consideration is the effect on my children!
I also pretty bluntly told him how I see our parents as running him to everything, supporting everything he ever wanted to do, helping him with school, housing, vehicles, hosting parties, dressing up for parties and so much more. What I see is that my parents invited his partner into all of our lives and every family gathering. They never once said, be this way or don't be a part of our lives. How can he turn around and tell them "be this way or don't be a part of my life". I just can't grasp it.
I haven't gotten a response. I'm not sure that I ever will. I have considered before the possibility of my brother being a N, but haven't spent enough real time with him over the years to really know for certain. I do see a lot of how everything seems to be about him. He has always loved being the center of attention and was unhappy if not getting enough attention. Now, I am kind of seeing that he has forged this relationshp with this aunt & uncle, as well as another aunt (they live next door to each other, are sisters) and they are his family now. I am happy that they have each other, really, but it does seem that he doesn't care to try to communicate and resolve our issues any longer because he has this replacement and so, whatever. I am not sure of the truth of this, it is all just my impressions from over here in my little part of the world :) But, it also makes me wonder about my own patterns, coming to be with the N husband and the fact that my brother (7 years older) was a driving force and at times the only one, during my formative years.
I have since the last time I journaled about his wrote my brother again. I told him that I really could not grasp and understand where he was. I was pretty blunt and he may not have been happy with what I had to say, but I needed to say it. I still cannot understand how he can talk to me about justifying our parents' behaviors and then justify his biological mother's behavior (she committed suicide when he was 6). I straight out asked him why he holds all this resentment for our mom and then idealizes his. As a parent, even through suffering and when I really haven't wanted to go on, my first consideration is the effect on my children!
I also pretty bluntly told him how I see our parents as running him to everything, supporting everything he ever wanted to do, helping him with school, housing, vehicles, hosting parties, dressing up for parties and so much more. What I see is that my parents invited his partner into all of our lives and every family gathering. They never once said, be this way or don't be a part of our lives. How can he turn around and tell them "be this way or don't be a part of my life". I just can't grasp it.
I haven't gotten a response. I'm not sure that I ever will. I have considered before the possibility of my brother being a N, but haven't spent enough real time with him over the years to really know for certain. I do see a lot of how everything seems to be about him. He has always loved being the center of attention and was unhappy if not getting enough attention. Now, I am kind of seeing that he has forged this relationshp with this aunt & uncle, as well as another aunt (they live next door to each other, are sisters) and they are his family now. I am happy that they have each other, really, but it does seem that he doesn't care to try to communicate and resolve our issues any longer because he has this replacement and so, whatever. I am not sure of the truth of this, it is all just my impressions from over here in my little part of the world :) But, it also makes me wonder about my own patterns, coming to be with the N husband and the fact that my brother (7 years older) was a driving force and at times the only one, during my formative years.
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