My 10 Steps of Mourning (So Far)

I am at the 7 1/2 month mark after the death of my husband and feeling over-all as if I am making good progess.  There are 10 steps that I have encountered on this journey so far.  Some are unique to my situation, but others seem to be typical for most widowed people I have talked with. 1.  The heartbreak of having to decide to let him go rather than prolonging his life with machines. 2.  The intense pain and nubmness I felt those first few days after his death where just getting through the day, the week, took every ounce of strength I had.  I just kept putting one foot in the front of the other, not knowing where I was going. 3.  The temporary, surprising loss of faith.  Wondering if what I had belived all my life about God was true, and wondering if I was really going to be with my husband again.   4.  The loss of my best friend.  Missing his insight, humor, support.  Knowing there is no one else in the world that I related to the way I did to him. 5.  The loss of the person that I loved, made sacrifices for, planned my life around.  My reason for living seemed to be gone. 6.  The loss of contact with his family and some friends.  I seemed to have become invisible to everybody. 7.  The resistance of people to talk about my husband, or to allow me to talk about him.  He seemed to have become invisible and non-existent. 8.  The feeling of being abandoned in the practical matters of life.  Facing unemployment, fear of losing my apartment,  having to face all the hard times and hard questions all alone!  Anger here at being stuck all alone. 9.  The roller-coaster of emotions.  Just when I have felt good, been able to laugh, been able to see a bright new day, I drop into a deep feeling of sadness and sit an cry and wonder if I will ever level out emotionally. 10.  Finding the "new normal" as someone called it.  Knowing that Stan's love for me is always with me, has made me the person I am today, and will continue to influence the rest of my life.  Looking for a new life to live with confidence.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

Hey Laura,
You did so good with the list, and it was right on. Every bit of it comes & goes in our minds and the way our days go. I think I do as good as anyone in this situation, but there are times I try to change my thoughts so that I don\'t have to dwell on things that will never happen, things we won\'t do anymore, but we are the ones chosen to be here the longest and we have to believe that, God has a plan and we must find it and live with it, no matter how much it hurts and worries us. Will all the friends here, we will make it. Carolyn
deleted_user
deleted_user

This is so true. I frequently ask myself now whtever did I use to complain about before? Compared to what I am going though now, my previous life seems so carefree and simple. It\'s almost been 8 months now since my husband passed, and though I still cry every day, I\'m grateful that I\'m getting a ittle better at \"step 2\", it seems.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn

Laura, You\'re on the right path and the feelings are on ones I certainly relate to. Thanks for expressing them so beautifully. Sharon
deleted_user
deleted_user

I can relate to so many of these items. I am surprised to know that other people have or do feel the same way I am feeling losing my husband five weeks and a day ago. I felt so alone, and now I feel like someone else can relate to what I am going through. I didn\'t realize that so much of what I was feeling other people have also experienced.

Thank you for this posting.