mulling things over.......hugs.

I'm weeding my brain today.  Mulling and pulling out stuff that doesn't belong.  It sure does get overgrown up here in this space of roundness above my shoulders. 
I'm in think mode, got an over abundance of emotions.  Yup, I am out of balance.  Overly tired and need rest.  Sometimes I wish God would send a rep right through the walls............a nice motherly or fatherly type of angel to pat me on the shoulder, hand me kleenex and make me tea.  Listen to me talk......ok blubber it out.......with tears and some loud awkward nose blowing and patiently love me and if i could be a cute Meg Ryan character who is quirky and charming even when she is blubbering that would be a plus..........lol. 
It would be a lot easier to be a character in this life play if I had an angel to whom walls are never problematic --- could be here like the pal cavalry and listen to my awkward and sometimes foolish heart, scrambled feelings and confusion.  God you are so lovely.......you always listen, I want a pat from somebody on my goofy little head sometimes.  pat,pat, pat, it's alright sparrow.
Yesterday when i was talking to my daughterface i didn't want to, i didn't mean to but i did cry.  my face started to leak..........it was kind of rocky, but I was able to say things that have been on my heart for a long time.  no one deserves this in their lives, not the child, not the parent.......no one. and yet lives are disrupted every day by any and all manner of undeserved challenges, so we need to rise above or go around or slide underneath.........something, we need to do something, time is slipping away. 
there has been distance between us.  We both have reasons that sound legit.......but it is not good enough to let those reasons stand in for what we can make better.  We are better and stronger than that........we have a lot of love, hope, the strength of family and faith from God.....we have to decide to do better until we are better.  We can't leave it to that 's the way things are or that's how they were or any excuses.  OK, yes we can leave it........it's not my will it is God's will......sorry I'm feeling all revved up.  God's timing doesn't change just because I'm holding a small pep rally and some pom poms.  Mercy........I keep thinking that we need to make active decisions to love........we both had reasons/excuses and they are real to each of us..........on both sides there is hurt.  We can lay this hurt at God's feet, we can do better, God can help us. 
On the surprising very happy side, we enjoyed our frozen yogurt break very much.  They have so many delicious flavors and an insane number of toppings.  I had banana and a little bit of chocolate.  Sara had chocolalla........not sure if I spelled that right.  Hazelnutty chocolate flavor........with caramel sauce, reeses pieces broken up, bits of cookie, chocolate sauce..............  There was more, but I forget, she had fun playing in the toppings aisle for sure.  Then you take your finished creation to check out and you pay according to weight.  Very simple system and the spoons are super fun and cool.  It is made with kids and birthday parties in mind.  We should go every day..................be kids and party like we're 7.
Sara was at church a few weeks a go when who should be introduced as joining a program Sara in involved with?  It is Joe the contractor.  Joe the contractor who worked on my house and showed his tail /his temper to Sara and stomped off the job Joe.  That Joe.  Sara approached him........remember that Joe is in his mid 40's and Sara is in her twenties.  Sara tried to bridge the gap......  Joe is still not an adult, but someday God will get him there.  I need to apologize here and now cause I just can't believe Joe.  So Sara walks up to him and says we need to talk, to make things comfortable so we can work together.  He grabs her, gives her a big bear hug, (which she said was awkward & uncomfortable for her) sort of half way apologizes to her and I guess that is as good as it gets with Joe.  He mumbled something about having a bit of a temper sometimes, sorry and that was his version of that.  So Sara says she will probably never be super comfortable with this guy, but she gives him props for hanging in there and trying to work on his faith and his life.  I do, I'll try, I'll work on it...............it is hard when I remember that last day that he was here.  He was in my daughter's face SCREAMING at her, saying vile things, stormed out of my house, red faced veins sticking out of his face.......hissed at his crew to pile in the truck and he peeled outta here.......left black marks on the driveway peeled outta here.  She gave him every opportunity to present him with receipts, anything that day or at a future date to show if he was due any additional monies.  She presented him with her total (everything written documented) and he had an "air total" that was much higher...........he left with doors unpainted, odds and ends incomplete and it was beyond odd, it was off and very unprofessional.  Not to mention hurtful and kind of scary.......but here we are, Joe is doing something with her group at church so who knows what God has in store and what lessons he has for us to learn. I have a feeling that this old dog, yes me, will continue to be surprised at what she can learn. 
We all have invisible neon signs above us that read:
"Don't trip, God isn't finished with me yet."
Sara has been hired by her mother-in-law to do a small restaurant space.  By do --- I mean design and create the ambiance/style/pick out all the colors/pieces for the space and she is very excited.  She has decided to do a Shabby Chic look.  She showed me the ideas board she created, all of her samples.........it's gonna be so nice!  This restaurant space will serve sandwiches/desserts.  It will be a very simple menu centering on "to go sweet treats".  I donated 4 chairs to Sara's cause and some neat stuff for the walls.  I'm still on my mission to de-clutter. 
She was like a lot of your stuff is missing Mom........I said I donated it sweetie......she said NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. stop it, no more donating.  I told her if she wants to she can use the upstairs as space to display/store items for decorating if she should decide to make it official and get her llc........do this kind of work for people other than family...........she could have pieces ready for clients/future jobs.  her eyes glowed.......nice to start some dream seeds going..........
she should think about creating a portfolio.......so she said she should do that.  take pics of my house and this new job.  it's good to see her excited, doing creative things.........it makes my heart happy.  she has a gift for design and for making things happen on a budget..........making things/space pretty. 
i'm tired.........oh hey, guess what?  while we were out we stopped at the pizza place next to the froyo place and got a thin crust light sauce double cheese pizza with a 2 liter bottle of sprite.  it was the best pizza ever and there is still half left. so grab some whenever you get honnnnnnngry and enjoy some sprite ............it is really fresh and delissssssssssssh.