Music

last night i went to Southampton and saw lanterns on a lake and frightened rabbit live in concert. While i was listening to the music i felt so much joy and just lost myself there. For a moment i was just me and at peace. Afterwards i felt sad, sad that she wasn't there to experience this with me. Why is it that i feel so much for someone who seemingly doesn't care about me at all? I don't know what i want really, i carry this person in my heart with me wherever i go. Through everything i experience she is there with me in my mind. I'm disappointed in her and what she has done, I'm also disappointed in myself. I always maintained that i would have a no tolerance for cheating, one strike policy. So why am i doing this to myself? I wish that i could reach a point where she would be nothing to me, but i know i won't. Other people who have meant much less to me and wronged me i still think about fondly and with regret. Every day i check my emails to see if there is anything from her....
I feel like I'm just starting to move forward, maybe i have one foot on the lowest rung of the ladder, it has taken 2 months to reach that.....
I still haven't gone a day without thinking about her, if time is a healer then its a remarkably ineffective one. I must make sure to go and see more concerts and make more memories with just me in them, I'm starting to think that that is the real key to moving on.