Moving Butterflies
The house I live in right now, the house I sit and type this in, will only be my home for three more days.I should be thrilled to leave. The walls are cracked, the paint is peeling, the windows leak, there is mold in the shower, there are nails poking out of the floor. It's a shack through and through. Every day I would wake up here I would hate it a little bit more.But now we are leaving, and I'm sad.There are alot of memories attatched to this hole. It was the first place Joey and I lived in together. I remember cooking plain pasta in the kitchen and laughing because it was the only food we could afford. I remember the first night we slept side by side in our 45 year old bed on our 35 year old mattress. We bought our first living room furniture here....fortunatley when that futon and chair went out the door to make room for our second set of furniture I wasn't so sad to see it go. We argued over which chairs mismatched the least for our hand me down table. We bought our first TV, that was another argument! lol.Also, we got our first dog here. It was my fiancees attempt to fend off the family urge. We attempted to train him here. We lost a ferret in this house. Cleaned her blood off the floor and held her half paralyzed body, crying, while we found a vet. We raised my neice her for a year. Took her in when my sisters addiction got so bad that the government finally took her children. I taught her discipline and consequences. But also that there isnt only bad things in this world. It was also here that she left us. I couldn't do anything else for her, she needed to see a specialist she was so messed up. It was on our 35 year old mattress that I cried because I felt like a failure to her. I was standing in the doorway to our living room when I told my fiancee that we were going to be parents. It was this bathroom that I first got a peek at that test and felt my heart jump.It was here that my little sister lived with us, this living room that she went into labour in. The bedroom just down the hall that her and her son lived in for 6 months. My water broke on this living room floor. And it was our current bedroom that was the first place our daughter slept in. The living room floor that she rolled over on for the first time. She spent the first 5 months of her life here. She did alot of firsts in these walls.There is so much to pack still. And it sort of makes me want to cry. The landlords came over today and looked around just to see where we were in packing so they could post it back up for rent. They told me that they would give us 24 hr notice if anyone wanted to come look at it. I don't want people snooping through MY HOME. But it isn't my home anymore. On Sunday we are loading the uhaul....Sunday night will be the last time I sleep in this house, and Monday we are moving all of our worldly possesions to our new place.I'm just choked up. I should be sleeping, but there are so many emotions running through me. I guess it's time to start a new chapter in my life, time to say goodbye to my house of firsts. Time to make new firsts in a new house.So long old friend.....I'll drive by and see you on occasion, and as time goes by I'll drive by less, until one day you are nothing more then a memory at the back of my mind.
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