Moving
Has anyone made a big move after the loss of their child??? If so, would you say it helped??? Cassi always wanted to move away from here, far, far away. Either New England east coast or Pacific Northwest. I would have followed her wherever she went and I always wanted to leave the south too (even if I do get tortured for my accent, lol). Everywhere I go, everywhere I look I see Cassi, I find memories. I am not yet at the point where memories make me happy. Maybe it just hasn't been enough time, but I can't have a single memory without a shadow of sadness. I just wonder if it might be healthy to move away, make a new start.
But it scares me too...what if I made a big move and was then homesick for all those places saturated with memories of my girl??? My girl...it's still shocking!!! The unbearable, impossible, unthinkable truth...after all this time, I just can't...you know???
So anyway...can I get some advice and input??? Other grieving moms are the only people I listen to. I NEVER ask for input from the unbroken, though they can't seem to help themselves and often say the most moronic things.
Replies
Yes, Mr. LJ and I made our move six years after our loss. We knew that wherever we landed Douglas would BE with us and we also knew that if we were to make a move after living in our house in Utah for twenty-eight years that we needed to take the plunge before it became too difficult for us to do so. It was a decision that we had been working toward for about five years before we moved here as it had many moving parts to sort out.
I know that my story will not be another's yet you asked, so I'm sharing. For us, it has been the very BEST thing we could ever do. We have been fully embraced by the most loving ohana (family) we could ever imagine and it's been an adventure to explore new places and learn a whole new way of BEing within this culture.
Moves I understand are not for everyone, yet for us it has been everything. We feel Douglas with us as we explore and it was just time... We felt it and trusted that we would know and we did. No regrets, no looking back as to whether we made the right decision and feeling that this was right for us.
We had neighbors who moved here about the same time we did. The husband was the one who wanted to move and his wife not so much. They tried it for two years and they decided to move back to the mainland. They had not lost a child, yet said that they made too much of an emotional decision and had not given themselves the time needed to really get on the same page about it and the wife was not happy, homesick for her family on the mainland so it just didn't work out.
Just sharing how it has felt and been for us. It has been healing, positive and I don't for a moment feel as if I "left" Douglas behind. I believe with all my heart that he was very involved with our move because the way everything fell into place is truly a miracle in many ways. It happened with ease and that was one of our key barometers as to whether or not this was truly our path.
I am more than happy to share anything you might have a question about and again, this is just my experience.
Trust the process and wishing you clarity along the way and if it's not clear then that was always my sign that perhaps my timing was off and so we just kept acting "as if" and began purging, clearing, packing so that when the green light came we'd be ready.
Loving care,
XO Joanie
That was beautiful Joanie. Thank you.
We had bought property in 2000 and had begun clearing land and planning to build. In 2006 construction on our home began....2007 Kala's accident....2008 our home was completed and we moved. For me, it was a VERY welcomed moved. Granted, we did not move out of state, and we remained to own our business in the same town, but it was new surroundings. MUCH needed, new surroundings. I never stopped looking for her car to be parked in her spot on our driveway...or for her to be in her room in the house. We were in a typical subdivision, surrounded by people we didn't know. I felt very boxed in. We moved onto 71 acres of (to me) the most beautiful land. We are surrounded by nature and fresh air and calm; and of course all the chores that go with living in the country. It's my great escape and where I feel the most grounded.
Kala is most definitely here too!! But, she never lived in this house...although she had been to the property several times before the house was built. This is home. This is peace in a way the other house never could have been for me.
One more thing; I've shared this several times before, but it's just still so astounding and so on point that I want to share it again. For the first angel date we "ran away" to Hawaii and Maui. When we landed and got our rental car....jeep, of course!....we left the parking lot, made one turn, and found Kala Rd! We had barely arrived and BAM, there she was! Also, while hiking one day on Maui we "stumbled upon" a tree that had a carving on it.....KALA. In that moment, as the tears flowed I VERY clearly "heard" her say, "Momma, there's no where you can go that I'm not right there with you". This has brought me much comfort and I pray this knowledge, that no matter where you are, Cassi IS with you, will bring a measure of comfort to you as well.
I wish you peace as you search for and discover YOUR best answer to whether or not a move is right for you at this time.
Wow...what a beautiful story. I wish we could go to Hawaii...sigh...but we have our 2 little dogs and the little girl, Chloe, is to put it lightly, difficult. We love her so much and adore all her "special" traits, but I couldn't ask anyone else to babysit. She barks ALL the time, wants to fight all other dogs, she is very high strung. We don't trust any boarding services...they just couldn't devote as much love and attention as my babies are used to and we are afraid they would stop eating.