Movin On...chased by Memories...

TODAY...I am reminded that 35 years ago.... I said I Russell Mobley.... take you blah blah blah.... to be my lawfully wedded wife for better or worse.. in sickness and health... forsaking all others  yada yada yada.....35 Years ago... I had hoped to  grow old with this woman.... my help mate....my other half that made me feel complete....Yepp  I did....hahahahahaha........The reall kicker is when I see this woman now... she wont hardly even speek to me....?I myself wonder what the hell did I ever see in this woman....HOW... did all the Love I had for her fade away....?Where is that wonderful friendly smile...that cheery gift of gabb.... where did my friend go......?Yepp she was like the best friend I ever had.....and I loved her down to my toes... every day for at least  30  years....then well I realised it was over... ya divorce ya know ya big dummy time to move on....yeah rite.....So...every year on the 6th of Feb.... I am reminded....other people have different dreams than I do... specially now in my old age... too broke to pay attention....un needed... un wanted.....un desireable................Struggling thru life with multi- disabilites.... i ofthen wish I could Divorce these Disabilites  and go live a different life...free of pain...of doubt...Free of Loneliness....the up side is I can make my own decisions.. with out consultin with ya know who.... and no one ask me do this make my butt loook biggg....?my bank account hasn't been overdrawn in a decade....no one bruises my ribbs cause I snore loudly... I don't have to worry bout puttin the lid down...i only need a  4 cup coffee maker....I don't have any car payments... and it is clean inside hahahaha...I have no hard feelings... against old what's her face... it don't matter if she was hit by an ugly truck.. gee I fell outta the ugly tree myself... That old man I see in the mirror .. jeesh  that face makes grandbabies cry....no kiddin... hahahaha.............For the most part... Seems like we learn to live with all the to and fro's of life.. we struggle or go with the tide...sometimes when we tire out from struggle and we get washed ashore... we might wish   we had  relaxes a lot sooner .... but it is my nature to struggle....it is my nature to long for things long gone and  best be forgotten....but like my childhood... somethings can't seem to be forgotten....maybe I didn't get the best hand ... in  life... but I'm still holdin  five cards....they are mine.. and I'll play em till the game is over... best wishes all...Russ....

Replies

genebh
genebh

Hey, Russ. I got married for the first time to a woman married 3 x before; then I had my stroke. I was your age when I married for the 1st time. My wife stayed by me the 5+ years after my stroke. Maybe cuz she remembers me when I was a whole man (she is NOT perfect, but a good partner.) If you ever feel like chatting, write to me. I am in a wheelchair almost 24/7. My legs fill up w/ fluid/weep, and I can barely stand up. Sara is there for me, even if she bitches a lot. I know she CARES. People DO outgrow each other; you are unfortunate. TRY to enjoy life; mine sucks but still exists. See what resources are available. Life will go smoother. Hang in, there, Russ.