mother's heart break
drug addicition is not prejudice, can effect any person, regardless of their status, can become a empty hole, especially for a mother of a young beautiful daughter. People often ask me when did she start,,, I think about that question, and come up with no answer,, because A drug addicitive is so good at lying, and manipulation, that they cover it up,,, I come to realize. Last Monday, she was arrested for tying to steal some ladies purse,, even has a week has gone by I'm still in shock,, the hardest moment came,, is when she ask if I could bail her out,,,, I simply said no I'm sorry, I know with the help of God,, If anything by having her sit in jail,, I'm protectiing her,, from herself! I've surrendered her to God,, after many attempts in trying to help her, I've come to understand,,, she must "want" to help herself,, therefore I asked God to control this situation,, I pray,,
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I saw your post on another site, judeyprudys site but I can;t find the post to reply to you there. I had a daughter, very very bright, worked in cancer research, Christian who ended up an addict. I knew lots of different people and places for her to get help and she refused everyone of them, she was happy in her addiction. I felt how Mary felt when she looked at her Son on the Cross but my child was crucified on a needle. She did the lot, I prayed and tried every human resource possible to turn her around to no avail. I prayed and had her prayed for for years, I took the blame when she blamed me, anythigto help I thougt. I could tell which drug she was on by the type of abuse she disked out on the phone to me, heroin made her kind of loving, cocaine made her attack from the pit of hell. I gave up after God showed me He loved her more than I did anyway and just prayed when I could see she was on the point of death from too much heroin. Fortunately for me she live out of town so I only had to deal with the phone calls, they were murder to my love and I lost all feeling for her.. Now, 18 years later she is on methadone, getting clean and going to church every week, she is my daughter again and all those past years are past, God never let her go He is faithful, trust Him with her and love her the best you can. Your journals are filled with love for her, I pray she doesn\'t walk the path my daughter did, J
I though I write down my thoughts,,,, and one day share them with you my beautiful daughter,,,, we can look back,,, and see the progress you have made,,,,,, but I guess I must continue to wait for your return,,,, I wanted to keep you posted of all the things you are missing:
we miss you so much,,, our last phone conversation, you said you were starting a fresh new life,,, I guess by your reaction of hanging up on me,, becasuse of my denial of money you requested was not what you wanted to hear,,,,It did not change my love for you,,, when your ready to come back to your family,,, we are waiting, for your return,,,,,ava is doing well considering she misses her momma,,,, doing the best I can for her,,,,, she lost her first tooth, which the tooth fairy came,,, made a big deal,,, she is very active little girl,,,, she says she is not the girlie type,,, but as I watch her,,, put on my high heels,,, and make- up oh she is so your girl,,,, but the other side of her,,, she loves,, catching toads,,up north with dad( her papa) fishing is a new found hobbie,,,, she is doing great on the four-wheeler you once rode,,, how this happened I never will know,,, but,, she got the bunny,, she so wanted,,,, her name is rosy,,, she feeds its,,, actually taking really good care of her,,,ava misses you,,, I do what I can to fill in,,, I\'m chaperoning for her field trip,, taking her to baseball,,, can you believe it,,, she loves it,, and strives to be like her uncle Sean,,,,
I\'m writing all this down,, so one day,, i can share this all with you,,,, regardless of what you have done,, or where you are,,, I know you will come back,,,,, we love you,,, night time is the hardest for me,,,, but I know God keeps you protected,,,, just always remember,,, we love you,,, and my number and dad\"s never will change,,, Please,,,, accept the hand of God,, and let Him direct you back to us,,,,, until then,,, Please be safe,,,,
oh I think of you every day my love,,,, my dream for you,, is that your able to return one day,,, to cope with the everyday life here,,,,, you are missed so much,,,, the addicit,,, not sure I have the ablity to even pretend to like,,,,, or miss,, wherever you are, I\'m praying that you find the means to fill your empty hole,,, I forever,, will be waiting for you return,,,,, I keep the darkness of your path illuminated with love,,,,,
truthfully I will never understand your departure, or your length of distance your addicition keeps us apart,,, but has I\'m learning,, it\'s not my need to understand the why,,,, everyday your name appears on my mind,,, Ive learnved to not let it consume or control my energy,,, your daughter is blossoming but I\'m sure you would know that,, even without spending the physical time,,,, with her,,,, of course will be honest the longer your away,,, she has found comfort in the arms that keep her secure,, and allows her to mature and express in a forward motion,,,, has every day passes that you are gone,,, out of sight out of mind,,for a yong child the memory they store is that of yesterday,,, and pleaseant moments,,, they tend to want to block out what was painfull for them,,,,, fortunately,,, the security she lives in,,, brings it out of the shell of feeling where exactly she belongs,,,, I made a promise to myself,,, that until my last breath that your daughter, will be raised in the same loving atmosphere you were privledge with,,, and although I was very nave with your minupulation,,,, I will be aware of even the slightest behavior change in your daughter,,,,, one day you will come back and engage with her,,, and see that there is more to life,,, then what you have been dealing with,,,, until that day of return,,,, may you be safe,,, not realize how much your loved,,, but love yourself,,,
at the end of the day,,, I still stand proud has a mother,,,,, that just happens to have one of her children an addicit,,,,,
accept the Hand that directs you in the right journey
love you,,
Mom
if any one loved her daughter and tried to help her it was you kim! if only love was enough. hugs my dear friend, always in my prayers
You are truly amazing. What a difficult journey......your daughter is truly at peace now.