Mother issues

I wish I could get past them. I don't know if I love her, like her or just feel indifferent about her. I really wish I could understand why she never protected me as a child or as a young adult.  You let me down , you let the family tear me apart. You never hugged me much and rarely told me that you loved me. When I was assaulted you acted like it never happened  I'm so confused this entry is split between revering as her as you and she. I wish I could love my mother and that she would see me as a person: me not my father who she compares to me.  idk I'm confused.