Morning

Sitting here it's Friday morning,morning are the worst for me. Every day I deal with some health issue today is meniere's, yesterday was acid reflux the day before fibromyalgia, not many days free,then every day is facing the passing of my Denise. I look out side and see the leaves falling ,why can the tree's die and flowers die and yet every year they come back. I know some people feel were be with our children again and it gets them through and that's great for them. I believe in God and he gave us life ,but I do not believe I will every see my daughter again,I believe when we get to heaven we will all be happy and love each other but we will all be the same and no relations that is just my believe. So living out my life with the thought I will never see her again is all most unbearable. But I go on some how and pray for some peace. I used to love fall and Christmas and now I dread them for they bring back the realization  My family will never be hole. Sorry I do not want to bring any one down I am just expressing my feeling right now. I am a very lonely person who sit alone 10 hours a day . I went to see a new counselor last week ,I hope it helps ,but I tryed so many for 20 years, my anxiety gets very bad this time of year. I always wish the bst for every one and would help any one I could. I took in foster kids for awhile that was rewarding,but when my health got bad I can not do that or even volunter any more.But God will get me through .

Replies

Aparoulek
Aparoulek

I remember the mornings in the first year....they were awful. It was like reliving everything over and over and over. It was so painful. I\'m sorry you are so lonely. That is another thing I have felt too. For quite a while, I just sat in my living room looking out the window for hours and hours. I still can\'t believe that Greg, my youngest son, is gone....but, I feel stronger and more at peace now. Time does seem to help. Please tell me a little bit about Denise if you want, I would love to hear about her. Love, Anne
ter1
ter1

I also find mornings the hardest. I wake up and for an instant everything is as it was before he was gone and then reality floods in like a Tsunami. I\'ve been striving for peace in my heart and it is getting better, maybe there will be a day when both of us will be able to remember without the pain . Sending you love, Terry
deleted_user
deleted_user

Keeping busy has been my saviour. If I am left to my thoughts I would be a wreck. I can\'t deal with that. I work and still do my hobbies so that I can not think, even tho Justin is in my thoughts consistantly, and I cry every day, I know he would want me to go on just like I would want that of him. That is what is keeping me sane. Keep busy. Love to u and BIG HUGS!!!!!!!!!!
CorriesMom
CorriesMom

Yes, mornings are hard, especially in the first year. For months I would wake up with the words from \"Cry Me a River\" or \"End of the World\" repeating over and over and over in my head.

\"I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything\'s the same as it was
I can\'t understand, no, I can\'t understand
How life goes on the way it does

\"Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don\'t they know it\'s the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye\"

And, like Anne, I would sit for hours on end, not even aware that time was passing, just staring off into space. It does get better, much better. Please be patient with yourself and love yourself. I hope you can find someone to have lunch with or to go to a movie with ~ distractions help a lot!

Sending love and great big hugs of comfort ~ Debbie
deleted_user
deleted_user

I encourage you to stay focused on the love and not trap yourself into a corner. The truth is none of us truly know what heaven will ultimately be like, or what we will be like, or our loved ones. We all have our beliefs and have been taught different messages and stories - some based on the Bible, many not.
I raise this because I hear you say you believe that we will all be the same in heaven. You also say that you can\'t bear the thought of never seeing your Denise again. It seems that this is where you have gotten stuck.
This is why I also said at the beginning to stay focused on the love. I shared a while back with you the promise that love never ends. Love isn\'t just a feeling inside of us. Love emerges in response to what we see, hear, touch, feel, believe and so much more. If we are indeed created in God\'s image and we are all so unique, I\'m not sure that uniqueness will go away as that just might be a part of God\'s love that never ends.
Just something to consider. In the meantime, be good to yourself, and as the others have said, be patient with yourself and show the same care and concern that you showed to others to yourself. It\'s not being selfish, it\'s taking care of a special person God loves, that no one else is caring for.
PLA58
PLA58

I understand your pain, and as everyone has said it gets managable. I look at paintings Thomas Kinkaid is my fav, he paints with God and angles in mind, The painter of light. I must believe we will all be to gether again When it is my time to enter into the light a reunion will take place of some sort. It is not what I have learned or read about it is what I feel and dream about.

Hugs Penny