More Suicidal Ideology

I feel as though I am losing everything. My debt is so high, I have no friends, I am very unsure as to what is happening with my school work, i know that it will take more than another year to graduate and I am still living at home. I have no motivation to do homework or anything for that matter. This is the most that I have today I think. I can't even remember. I am on so much medication. I need to come down from this cloudy mess that I am in. I can hardly function with all of this medication. My doctor wants to move me over to valium from xanax, I suppose she thinks it will help. I want to come down from 800mg of seroquel, that is just too much.
 
I don't know what I want... I want and expect more from life. I have a continual suicidal feeling and associated thoughts. I want to overdose on my medication, but I am still too scared. What do I say in a last message or letter? Will these journal entries suffice? Tomorrow I have off to do homework in the library and I am going to take that time and try to use it wisely. I took a xanax about 45mins ago and I am still completely on edge and agitated. 
 
Last night my mom admitted to me that she cannot understand what people like my dad and I feel as clinically depressed. I don't think I can express what I truly feel compared to a "normal" mindset. I am tired and I need to go get some rest after a long night last night. 
 
Goodnight moon.