More Salt in My Open Wound
Thank you all so much for the wonderful support yesterday! I think writing journals is going to really help keep me sane right now, but even more than that, all of your loving and kind words and thoughts. I am feeling ok today, but I have to vent about something. As if I'm not already so angry about my mc, but why must I feel like there is constantly salt and lemon juice being poured in my open wound!? I mentioned a few times that I have a coworker who sits in the office right next to mine who is about 14 or 15 weeks pregnant now and I have to constantly hear prego talk. It's her 1st baby, she is 36 and whines about how amazing it was they conceived after only 2 months since she is 'so old'. Ugh. Ok, so that's bad enough right (especially considering I'm even older than her)?! Today she comes in and apparantly there was a scare that her baby could have cystic fibrosis since both her and her DH are carriers. I get that this is a very real and difficult concern, and I feel bad she has had to stress out over this. This morning she got the call from her doctor that all is ok, which is a huge relief I know and I'm happy to hear that. BUT, what I don't need to hear is the last 2 hours of her telling every coworker and everyone on the phone about this. She has experienced 1/8th of the panic and worry we IF'ers worry about for each sono and each step of the way, and hearing her talk about her terribly stressful time somehow makes me very very upset. Again, I am happy her baby is ok and I wish her a healthy pregnancy, but listening to her talk about it is worse than nails on the chalkboard. Today is 3 weeks since my miscarriage, and the timing here could not be worse. I finally shut my office door because I just couldn't take it anymore, after taking 2 coffee breaks and leaving my office, but I can't work for the next 7 months with my office door closed or sneak out all day long. This is hard enough, why the hell does the universe decide that I have to sit right next to a woman who is prego after I just lost my baby!?!? As if all of this isn't unfair enough, I have to deal with this?!?!?! I guess there are forces out there that seem to really want to test me and think I'm a lot stronger because this is just ridiculous. Aaargh, I just want to scream.
Replies
The world is a cruel and unusual place!!! I\'m sorry you are going thru this but I\'m glad you can shut your door and drown out some of it. I wish people would take other peoples situation into consideration before running their mouths!!!!
I am the type of person that would have to tell her. Maybe ask the coworker you confided in to talk to her and let her know about your recent loss. . .
Working is the only time I can truly escape my reality. And if you cant even focus on your work - ugh. I am so sorry. Its unfair and makes no sense.
My song of choice right now is rob zombie \"never gonna stop\" - i usually listen to country - but this song just feels right these days. It\'s angry and amazing - you should give it a try - if nothing else you can scare that pregnant girl with your new jams ;)
OMG I would want to punch her! Sorry you have to listen to this! Hopefully she settles down, otherwise I might say something to her!
Honestly, I would say a conversation is in order. Believe me, I know how tough it is to talk about this loss. But I think she needs to know how difficult she is making an already hellish time in your life. Just a quiet, personal conversation letting her know that you recently suffered an unimaginable loss of a baby and, while you are happy for her, you need a preg/baby talk free environment for a while. Let her know you can hear her conversations from your office and just ask if she can understand how difficult that is for you to hear. My guess is she would be mortified at the pain she has caused, once she knows. And if not, we can punch her in the face.
Take care of you. Your need for a peaceful environment trumps her need to talk endlessly about her baby.
You should seriously just start talking about stuff that will totally make her uncomfortable, like bodily functions even if you are not experiencing whatever you are talking about! LOL or maybe have a very open and very frank conversation with her. Tell her how happy you are for her and how its great the baby does not have FB, but then also tell her how hard it is for you to hear because you are mourning your loss only 3 weeks ago. Obviously you cant make her not talk about it, but maybe she will tone it down some and be a little more sensitive about it. Or talk to your boss, since he knows about the mc, see if maybe you can get a different office! It would be worth moving all your stuff! Hugs hun!
So sorry it sucks so bad honey, I would probably tell them how I feel! Big hugs honey! I so get it!
I am sorry to hear you have to endure that day after day with what you have been through. I hope that soon she will be more considerate of your feelings. Glad to hear that you are feeling a little better today...
I\'m so sorry it must be do hard. I wish it was easier at work. I know after my first mc I told no one but once I got to my third I kind of wanted people knowing do they could at least be sensitive. You really have to see how you feel about peiple knowing about details if your life. I\'m an open book and have an easy team at work but know not everyone is like that.
I\'m sure you could at least tell your boss you close your door or listen to music to tune her out under the circumstances. I\'m sure she would understand you need time.
That is so incredibly hard. I really am praying for some peace for you. I avoided my friend pretty much her whole pregnancy so being cooped up in an office with that - gosh - must be so incredibly hard. Especially after what you have been through. Hugs, friend xo