More on my situation
My father has Alzheimers, high blood pressure and a heart condition. He is progressing from moderate to severe and getting physically weaker but can still feed and dress himself and use the toilet. He has a catheter. My mother has congestive heart failure, severe arthritis and is legally but not totally blind and her recent hospital stay for pneumonia has left her much weakened and she need oxygen now. At this time she is unable to stand on her own but has shown some progress physically but they can do nothing for the heart and lung problems. They are both 87 years old
It will be up to my mom if my father is to be placed and if she herself wishes to find somewhere as well. They should not be placed together as my father's condition has given my mother a nervous breakdown.
My mother is very worried over everyone else and does not like to care for herself. She is a martyr. She is hesitant to make a decision and if she is unable then my brother is given the authority to do so. He does not want them in any kind of care but thinks he and I can do it ourselves. My mother wants to leave her children something and fears placing herself and dad will burn through their savings and property and so leave us with nothing (it probably will or will use up most of it.). They are not that wealthy but have around $100.000 in savings and own outright the home they live in and four rental homes, three of which bring in income. The fourth my brother lives in rent free.
I admit the inheritance is something I had planned for my own retirement, to gain at least one of their four rental homes to provide me income to live on. For the last few years I have been unemployed and have used up my own savings and ran out of unemployment. I have no other income. Unemployment is around 18% where I live and I can't afford to move anywhere else. I am 50 with poor eye sight a little deafness and a bad but functional leg.
At this time I live off the rent my parents get form one of their rentals. This is $800 a month and I gain nothing more form them. this has been for the last year and a half. My brother has gotten my mother to pay for all of his bills for the last 15+ years and also gives him $600 a month in cash. HE also lives in one of their rental homes for no cost.
She worries he will be unable to live without her help and her money after she dies. And she would like me to have at least one of the houses as I have planned to live on now and when they are gone.
The predicament is coming to a head as I see the failures of our changing days to watch our father every other day and his rapid deterioration due to my mother being gone. There is also an adult daughter that has lived with my mother and father all her life who is mentally handicapped. She is at a ten year old level. The situation seems intolerable to me and my brother nearing elderly abuse in planning to keep switching days with me with my father our sister and perhaps my mother all in one house with no licensed person or anyone with any real training to care for the family. I need to get my father placed and perhaps my mother as well but I do not have the authority to do this.
I am looking into it now to be prepared for when it happens and hope it will happen soon. I have contacted my fathers remaining family to try and get them to do it since my mother is unable to, though still in her right mind to do so. but just can't bring herself to do it and because my brother doesn't seem to see the common sense of it or just wants to save the money for himself, the situation continues and will more than likely tear the family apart, cause more health issues (as it is with me) perhaps have my sister removed and placed in some state group home and in the end have them have to be placed and their finances taken out of any of our control to pay for it.
On top of this we have gotten for the last two weeks a prescription for ambien for my father to make it a bit easier on him and us during the nights. There is only two left and my brother doesn't want to try and renew the prescription. He is getting ambien for himself because of a bad back and doesn't use it and wants to use that on dad to save money he says. It seems to me this is illegal and could cause problems since my father's doctors will not know he is taking it and it could mess with his meds.
It will be up to my mom if my father is to be placed and if she herself wishes to find somewhere as well. They should not be placed together as my father's condition has given my mother a nervous breakdown.
My mother is very worried over everyone else and does not like to care for herself. She is a martyr. She is hesitant to make a decision and if she is unable then my brother is given the authority to do so. He does not want them in any kind of care but thinks he and I can do it ourselves. My mother wants to leave her children something and fears placing herself and dad will burn through their savings and property and so leave us with nothing (it probably will or will use up most of it.). They are not that wealthy but have around $100.000 in savings and own outright the home they live in and four rental homes, three of which bring in income. The fourth my brother lives in rent free.
I admit the inheritance is something I had planned for my own retirement, to gain at least one of their four rental homes to provide me income to live on. For the last few years I have been unemployed and have used up my own savings and ran out of unemployment. I have no other income. Unemployment is around 18% where I live and I can't afford to move anywhere else. I am 50 with poor eye sight a little deafness and a bad but functional leg.
At this time I live off the rent my parents get form one of their rentals. This is $800 a month and I gain nothing more form them. this has been for the last year and a half. My brother has gotten my mother to pay for all of his bills for the last 15+ years and also gives him $600 a month in cash. HE also lives in one of their rental homes for no cost.
She worries he will be unable to live without her help and her money after she dies. And she would like me to have at least one of the houses as I have planned to live on now and when they are gone.
The predicament is coming to a head as I see the failures of our changing days to watch our father every other day and his rapid deterioration due to my mother being gone. There is also an adult daughter that has lived with my mother and father all her life who is mentally handicapped. She is at a ten year old level. The situation seems intolerable to me and my brother nearing elderly abuse in planning to keep switching days with me with my father our sister and perhaps my mother all in one house with no licensed person or anyone with any real training to care for the family. I need to get my father placed and perhaps my mother as well but I do not have the authority to do this.
I am looking into it now to be prepared for when it happens and hope it will happen soon. I have contacted my fathers remaining family to try and get them to do it since my mother is unable to, though still in her right mind to do so. but just can't bring herself to do it and because my brother doesn't seem to see the common sense of it or just wants to save the money for himself, the situation continues and will more than likely tear the family apart, cause more health issues (as it is with me) perhaps have my sister removed and placed in some state group home and in the end have them have to be placed and their finances taken out of any of our control to pay for it.
On top of this we have gotten for the last two weeks a prescription for ambien for my father to make it a bit easier on him and us during the nights. There is only two left and my brother doesn't want to try and renew the prescription. He is getting ambien for himself because of a bad back and doesn't use it and wants to use that on dad to save money he says. It seems to me this is illegal and could cause problems since my father's doctors will not know he is taking it and it could mess with his meds.
Replies