More on my nightmares
Last night I got a call from my criminal law professor that he was allowing some snacks for the back end of the final regular class today, and I was welcome to bring something if I wanted to. He wasn't expecting a return call, which was a good thing. Knowing that another bad night under the covers was in the offing, my heart said don't do it; it could see the mother of all stress eating episodes coming out of this.
At least my heart and my head are working together more than they used to. But it still felt real sad that when said snacks came out this morning -- and somebody brought in coffee because worked at Starbucks -- I was the only one who wasn't noshing on anything. I may as well have been sick to my stomach.
Later I got a haircut from one of the very few local places I know I can go without feeling scared out of my wits, a barbershop where the staff there is always willing to lend an ear. My barber asks me how things are going, and I admit that I'm busy, but at a crossroads between my current job as a pharmacy tech and the AS I'm about to finish.
"Do you like working where you are now?" she asks.
"That's part of the problem," I answered, which really is about as honest as I can be. "I do."
And I really don't want to leave there. I'm just so afraid I'd leave for what I would view to be the wrong reasons: more money, better benefits, etc. It also just feels like asking too much to try to build a working relationship with someone different now...my current colleagues have learned to put with me and I just have no confidence that I'll have that kind of luck anywhere else.
If this helps those of you sort out the nightmares I've been having, great...because I'm not sorting out this too good, and I think I just used up what little brainpower I have left today typing this (the semi-sleepless nights have really been adding up).
At least my heart and my head are working together more than they used to. But it still felt real sad that when said snacks came out this morning -- and somebody brought in coffee because worked at Starbucks -- I was the only one who wasn't noshing on anything. I may as well have been sick to my stomach.
Later I got a haircut from one of the very few local places I know I can go without feeling scared out of my wits, a barbershop where the staff there is always willing to lend an ear. My barber asks me how things are going, and I admit that I'm busy, but at a crossroads between my current job as a pharmacy tech and the AS I'm about to finish.
"Do you like working where you are now?" she asks.
"That's part of the problem," I answered, which really is about as honest as I can be. "I do."
And I really don't want to leave there. I'm just so afraid I'd leave for what I would view to be the wrong reasons: more money, better benefits, etc. It also just feels like asking too much to try to build a working relationship with someone different now...my current colleagues have learned to put with me and I just have no confidence that I'll have that kind of luck anywhere else.
If this helps those of you sort out the nightmares I've been having, great...because I'm not sorting out this too good, and I think I just used up what little brainpower I have left today typing this (the semi-sleepless nights have really been adding up).
Replies
You know, there is a LOT to be said for good co-workers...and it sounds like you\'re with a really good group right now...really, if it were me, I don\'t know that I would put any pressure on myself to leave anytime soon...perhaps stay and focus on working up to better pay and benefits? Or maybe just give yourself a while to relax there without any school worries. Either way, I know how awesome it can be to have a cool group to work with, and when that\'s gone even \'normal\' people can feel a bit lost...for those of us with issues, it\'s even worse...so, since you\'re feeling a bit low, I wouldn\'t be making any big changes. that\'s just me, of course, just my take on it and what I would do :) wishing you peace, as always :)
Is there any chance you could keep your job, and maybe look for a part time paralegal position that allows you to work from home? Many companies now work with employees who like to work from home.
I am so sorry to hear that the nightmares continue. I am sure you must be exhausted, both physically and emotionally.
Hugs..hang in there.
Keeping the job I currently have is indeed very much in the cards, pink and Summer...and while I\'m feeling kinda leery about working from home, the possibility of two jobs that seems to be suggested by pink is not out of the question. I have to agree with Summer that I really don\'t think I\'d be launching into a search the very day I know I\'m clear on my AS, though.