More Journaling
My goal (one of them) for the month of August is going to be to journal every day. I haven't been keeping up with them because I've been spending time on another site typing about my day and by the time I'm done there, I have already worn myself out talking about myself. But I do need to stay on this site. I love it here, I love my friends here, and it has the option to look back at your moods from a long time ago, and I need that. My therapist says it's okay as long as I write it somewhere, but I'm going to do it here. I might cross-post to Spark People (the other site where I do my blogging) but this is going to be my primary journal. You people are more important to me (any SP people don't get jealous... I was here first LOL).
So today was a good day. I tried to go in to volunteer, but they said they didn't have a lot of volunteers tomorrow and too many today, so they asked me to come in tomorrow. I'm going to try. My sleeping has been so off lately.. I don't know what it is about going to my mom's, but when I go there I come back and have sleeping problems for a couple weeks after. I know last time it was because I was sleeping on the couch and people would come and go at all hours and I couldn't get the deep sleep I needed. So I came home and slept for 16 hours a night for a while. Then this time, I don't know what it was. I was sleeping fine, even if it was on an air mattress on the floor. Now I can't sleep at night.. I stay up until like 1 am and then I wake up at 8 am. The 8 am thing I get, because when I was with my mom I used to wake up at 8 so I could have a cup of coffee with her before she would go to work. I would then go back to sleep until my regular time of noon- 1 pm. Now I can't fall asleep. It might be that I'm in a mixed episode or something. I tried going to the doctor, but that was of no use. Oh, and something else. I haven't told many people, but I will trust my friends here. I binged and purged on Saturday. I woke up and threw up (from too many sleeping pills), then went to my therapist, then out to lunch with a friend. We went to Chipotle, and I got a big burrito with rice, beans, corn, etc. when I'm on a low carb diet. I ate 100 carbs that day and I felt just absolutely horrible. I came home and took a nap, ate some ice cream and chocolate coffee beans then went to the bathroom and purged. I haven't done that in a long time, and I feel like crap for it. I was doing so good! I guess that's just the way life goes. I can't change it, I can only change my future actions.
So today was a good day. I tried to go in to volunteer, but they said they didn't have a lot of volunteers tomorrow and too many today, so they asked me to come in tomorrow. I'm going to try. My sleeping has been so off lately.. I don't know what it is about going to my mom's, but when I go there I come back and have sleeping problems for a couple weeks after. I know last time it was because I was sleeping on the couch and people would come and go at all hours and I couldn't get the deep sleep I needed. So I came home and slept for 16 hours a night for a while. Then this time, I don't know what it was. I was sleeping fine, even if it was on an air mattress on the floor. Now I can't sleep at night.. I stay up until like 1 am and then I wake up at 8 am. The 8 am thing I get, because when I was with my mom I used to wake up at 8 so I could have a cup of coffee with her before she would go to work. I would then go back to sleep until my regular time of noon- 1 pm. Now I can't fall asleep. It might be that I'm in a mixed episode or something. I tried going to the doctor, but that was of no use. Oh, and something else. I haven't told many people, but I will trust my friends here. I binged and purged on Saturday. I woke up and threw up (from too many sleeping pills), then went to my therapist, then out to lunch with a friend. We went to Chipotle, and I got a big burrito with rice, beans, corn, etc. when I'm on a low carb diet. I ate 100 carbs that day and I felt just absolutely horrible. I came home and took a nap, ate some ice cream and chocolate coffee beans then went to the bathroom and purged. I haven't done that in a long time, and I feel like crap for it. I was doing so good! I guess that's just the way life goes. I can't change it, I can only change my future actions.
Replies
i am glad you are going to journal here, i like to know how you are doing and what is going on with you. i hope you were able to make it to voluteer, i think that helps you alot. the sleeping issue is very common when people go away, my dad has big issues with it. hopefully it wont take 2 weeks and you can get back to your normal pattern, i know how much you neeed your sleep. how brave of you to open up about your binge and purge. you have the right attitude, you cant change what happened but you can change the next day and forward. call me if you need to, i am here for you. many hugss
Happy you are trying to journal daily. Good goal.
Sad about you purging. Maybe, you over ate the carbs because you are on such a low carb diet???? just something to look out for. you don\'t want to end up having problems. I hope all goes well for you.
You have been doing great .. you can continue. this is a set back. today is a new slate.