I wrote this yesterday.

I definitely kept busy with taking care of stuff today.

It was a good day's house/chores work.

I woke early - had my coffee and realized along the way of

going for the usual hike - as well as doing my work - that I was giving and 'gave myself permission' for

following my interests too - but keeping practical -

This is a major issue for me as since my last huge psychosis period I was

following my interests and it blew up my life so to speak. My risk taking was a tragedy.

So today I was happy that I knew I had gotten alll my work done 

and was carefully following my interests. Small interests or big ones

it was my choice - and just because I wasn't able to manage to find

something more significant to do - I wasn't going to bury my head, bury 

my feelings

in food indulgence or something of the like, to indulge that natural interest within me

and drive

for a greater experience. I was keeping aware of my real interest and drive

and not trading it off, so to speak, with food or drink to numb myself to

the conscious experience of wanting something more. 

Definitely wishing there was something more to my time off besides checking my

phone and watching tv... But at least I knew it...

I thought about building something on my own or having a friend's company

to watch a movie.

At times I lose my sense of perspective

I worry about the right thing to do - but that insecurity 

is something I won't cling to  - maybe I'll check in with the reality that there's always the struggle

or the plain issue of doing my work and following my interests and not getting mixed up

with 'what's the right thing' - as in needing a kind of permission - THAT i can give myself

to follow my own interests and keep responsible all the while.