More drama

Talked to Mom on Friday, Told her that if she wasn't going to have me work any longer, that I no longer could afford her cell phone or car insurance, I have been paying these for the last 5 years, also just giving her money when she neded it so she didn't have to struggle. Well she said fine but proceeded to say that I was the cause of everything, I then tried to talk to her about what had happened and how it made me feel, she said she didn't want to hear it. To get over it, Well i told her that finally the cycle was complete That I now felt like  the most worthless person every in her life, just like her Mom had made her feel. I am very upset, but then my brother called and we talked he reminded that this is not the first time she has treated me like this, she had me take her to her boyfriend house when she was still living w/my dad making me lie to him, well it all came out she did notihng to stop him from attacking me, she told me I knew what I was getting into, yeah I did but i also just wanted her to love me so I would haave done almost anything for her. When my brother was staying w/her he asked me to watch his 3 yr old daughter I said yes but that I had to be somewhere at 10pm, well he never showed up , he was out drinking with my mom well I found them and whispered in my brother ear that I have a small responibilty of yours n the car and she has a fever of 103, my brother then proceeded to drag me out of the bar threw me against my car,people were yelling for him to stop, well finally some guy grab him  so I just drove off still had his daughter w/ meWell, he went to MOms put his fist through the wall 2-3 time breaking his hand on the last hit. I took my neice to her Moms as brother was in no condition to take care of her. Well in the end tis whole situtation was my fault My mom told me I should have just left him alone and taken my niece whereever it was I was going.HOW WAS THIS MY FAULT?? When she was in the hospital this spring, she had a reaction to some medication she was taking she could not sto urniating she was to weak to get out of bed she was crying for me to do something, well I fianlly got a nurse to come in, they called the Dr and we decided to put a cathater in, well the next day I was telling my brother aboout it (he's A RN) he started yelling that i shouldn' interfere w/what RN were doing,he works at the hospital and had been freaking out because he feels that we are an embrasment, He went on to tell me that what I did could hurt her, Again my MOM JUST SAT THERE even as my brother actually pushed me. When I was 16 she got mad at me for being a smart ass and pushed me down and started hitting me with a cooking pan when she realized what she was doing she threw the pan then started kicking me, when it ended she told me it was my fault, I deserved it..I guess what I'm trying to do, is remind myself of some of the crap that shes pulled, so it makes  it easier, to step back and let go. She knows that this has been the hardest year of my life, but still can't find it in her heart to be there for me, even when I ask for her help, and she wonders where the anger comes from. I want to come out of all this stronger and more confident. one of the ways I will do so it not tcontinue to let people in my life that are not supportive and good for me . All my life all I've ever known is people that have not been kind, they really don't  know what this means, Both my parents came from really screwed up familes. I'm really scared that I might be a little unstable as was my Dad's side, Gramma tried to burn thier home w/11 kids inside, Aunt committed suciide, My Dad, was really looney never diagnoised, but was out there, MY mom enables everyone and anyone she needs to be needed..Well go to counseling tommorrow, try to start some of htis out there also. Thanks for letting me vent....