More Crunching

     I’m feeling pretty tired- partly i’m sure because of burnout and partly because i’m not used to tackling this volume of work straight on. As I need to do to maintain my sanity. No more procrastinating. Paying attention to health so I have no excuse to lag. 

      Though I’m imbued with a new sense of hope and purpose, I also still have all this work. Some of which is left over from my shit phase over the last month, since I was down enough to not want to do anything. So right now it’s a matter of crunching down and getting everything down. I’ve switched from changing my mindset to pursuing the mindset I’ve chosen. Also while trying not to regress to the old mindset. It’s harder when I don’t have sleep or energy. Really the biggest thing is not getting anxious and having some hope.  In being depressed, there is not difference between getting things done and not, and anxiety keeps me from even touching a pencil.

      Still, it’s kind of a solemn thing to be spending my weekends going to classes and doing homework. I’ve been speaking to my school counselour about my problems, and one of her push-points was to get out and socialize/have fun more. She told me I should do something with a friend for a couple hours over the weekend. That’s impossible though. Too many responsibilities are overdue. I can’t really live the stereotypical life of a teen.... it’s homework and extracurriculars and classes. Summers and weekends. 

        After all of this is over maybe I’ll get a bit of breathing room. 

        Haha, and another thing. When I get really busy and stressed I fall back on food as stress relief. Though I don’t binge eat like I used to (imagine, four hashbrowns, scrambled eggs, and a bowl of noodles after school) it’s really hard to resist that spicy ramen as a reward for my work sometimes. The unhealthier food the better. Really clashes with my goal to be healthier for the sake of my mental health. Unprocessed and healthy foods don’t fill that role for me in the same way... the root of the problem is the stress, of course.