More 4AM thoughts
It's 6 now, but I'm still up and likely not going back to sleep.
I was reading "The Complete Tightwad Gazette" and I feel inspired by the possibilities it presents. One of the main ideas was "if you want more money, you can either get a higher paying job or save it."
I'm conflicted about the idea of a full-time job, especially an incredibly demanding one like architecture. Even if I don't end up pursuing this field, I am a passionate person and I know I'd likely pursue something that I believe in doing. That coule create problems for my work-life balance. I know I want things out of my life outside of my career. This could create money problems, but the ideas presented in the book could help overcome them!
I also read an architect's take on his career. Winn Wittman answered a question on Quora about long working hours, saying that he works 3 hours per day as a registered architect from home. He says that many architects work long hours because they work in firms and don't differentiate themselves in the marketplace. By leveraging your unique take on architecture, he claims that you can work as long or as little as you like. As you can imagine, this heavily piqued my interest!
I want to have a place in higher academia/a complex field, but I'm conflicted about the hours of my life I'd have to spend for it. Though I know stay-at-home-momming is an option, I'm not inclined to consider that, since I don't want to give up my financial agency. These ideas I've gathered today form the possibility for an alternative lifestyle than what I've been led to believe is the default or only option. That default is working 8+ hours a day in an office in a possibly stressful job, having to dance with daycare if I ever have kids, and having little time or energy for fulfilling hobbies when I get home. I want pets, I want a garden, maybe even farm animals. I want to compost, I want to cook homemade food. I want to live minimizing waste. I want to make art and make stories to show the world. I want to fall in love with somebody and build a life together with them. Learn to love and look past their faults, learn to trust and love..
I want to approach life believing I can do better than I'm doing now. Thriving instead of surviving. I feel that now, perhaps briefly, and I want to keep feeling that. So much more can come to you when you are pushed out of your limits. Comfortable with being uncomfortable. That doesnt mean always pushing myself to the limit though. I have to be more aware of myself and my needs, and more deliberative on what I'm willing to do. I have to champion my own wants and needs, which means pushing myself out of my comfort zone...
That's the ideal. I'm not confident I can turn my life around overnight to this mindset, but I want to be there eventually, even decades down the line.
Replies
So, I hear you about not wanting to lose your financial agency. That has been hard for me. Since I have had ME since I was 16, I have never been able to keep a full-time job. I have a college degree, but have never actually been well enough to use it. I don't say this to discourage you. You may have a different energy envelope. I only say it to encourage you to live within your limitations. I have had to depend on my husband financially and it is a concern. I mean, thank God he has never made me feel like I'm a burden, but not all relationships survive a chronic illness. Perhaps, given your artistic talent, you could do something with more flexible hours. Architecture would be great, but it is demanding. It's hard for women to "have it all" in general, but if you add into the equation a body that is not functioning at 100%, it becomes even more complex. I have been a stay-at-home mom and have had differing levels of success at it. I think I'm better at it than I was when my kids were little. I do some freelance translation from Spanish to English, but it's not enough to even be considered "gainful employment." Anyway, listen to your body and listen to your heart. I know money comes into play, but you may have to live a bit more simply than others in order to give yourself the space to rest. Love you.