Mood dropping by the minute
I'm still struggling. Father called and screamed at me again. He hadn't taken his pill, a pill that prevents infection after surgery. I'm livid, scared, alone. It's finally come to me chosing my own survival at this point. In two months I've lost a husband and a father. I'm beside myself now, miserable and would love to wake in the arms of God. I'm starting to feel not worthy of God. Walking away to save myself. I'm worried about my father but am powerless to help him because he won't let me help.
I can't tell you the hell he's put me through in years past, but still I hoped to have him in my life. I'm so down in the dumps now I couldn't imagine. I'm too weak to crawl out because I've used all my strength just to survive losing my husband.
I'm moving in two weeks. Got no place to go. Can't stay here because it's already rented. I've got to find someplace in two weeks. What a mess. What a mess.
I can't tell you the hell he's put me through in years past, but still I hoped to have him in my life. I'm so down in the dumps now I couldn't imagine. I'm too weak to crawl out because I've used all my strength just to survive losing my husband.
I'm moving in two weeks. Got no place to go. Can't stay here because it's already rented. I've got to find someplace in two weeks. What a mess. What a mess.
Replies
Will start praying that God finds a place for you..................and you are right...............you have to think of your survival.......................you are your primary caretakef of yourself and without looking out for you, you cannot be there for anyone else.....................wish you some peace..................wish us all some....................this is a hard road................
Keep the faith.....................
L
l,m really sorry for what your going through with your father.l look after my mother and sometimes she is a handful,when l visit her l usually come back feeling more depressed,l think they forget that we are still grieving,and it takes all we have to get over this.My mother lives in a sheltered home,l really couldn,t have her liviing with me,it would be to much.
Why don,t you try some meditation,sit quietly when you have a moment to yourself,sometimes it helps,hope things sort themselves out,thinking of you
Alice
I am so sorry you are carrying so much on your shoulders. You need to remember your own best advice and that is to hand it off to the Lord. The Lord does not give us anymore than we can carry.
~HUGS~ and prayers for you.
Donale
You can\'t make your Father do something he is not willing to do. I know it must be very frustrating for you but as stated here you need to worry about yourself first. This is something that we all need to realize before we are any good to others we need to be good to ourselves. I need to take care of my Mother\'s business because she is in a nursing home and getting her in there last year was an experience. All this was going on as I was trying to be with my husband who we knew was terminal. You need to sit down and take a deep breath and decide what your course of action is going to be. Things don\'t happen on their own....you are in a very difficult time but you will come through..your strength will help you...hugs Ellen
I am so sorry for all you are going through right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Dianne
Oh, hon, I keep reading your saga and it tears my heart out because I don\'t have any genuine suggestions, just getting a caregiver for respite for you or even to take a shift so you\'ll have a bit of a life, taking care of yourself as well as him, etc, but on the whole, it sounds like a truly thankless and unpleasant task.
Hugs, Gail
PS STARTING TO FEEL NOT WORTHY OF GOD?!?!?! Don\'t start questioning that however you feel. I know it\'s heavy going, but you are not doing anything wrong or abnormal from a human nature point of view.
I hate to see you so upset. You sound as if there is nothing you can do but move in with your father. Have you no other choice ? If you feel this badly about it, then something is wrong. God loves and accepts us all. He is tolerant, something your father is not. God is there for and with you. Please find a way not to have to be so upset, even if it means not living with your dad. You need to take care of yourself now. You need to be number 1 for a change. I will keep you in my thought and prayers. Jane
You certainly have to look after yourself first and foremost. You lost your husband. It is amazing that you even wanted to move in with you dad at all. Why was it rented out so quickly? It doesn\'t seem fair. Your dad is too much for you to handle that is for sure. I am surprised you have not had a melt down before now. He needs a caregiver or someone that can come in a look after him or his needs or put in a care facility. All these things are expensive. I bet he wants to stay living on his own despite his health issues. If you don\'t look after yourself, you are going to have a nervous breakdown. Look after yourself. God can do a lot of things but he can\'t make you look after yourself. You are in God\'s hands and He is going to work things out for you in a positive way. Healing from the loss of your husband takes a lot of time. God loves you and will always love you so very much. He gives us trials/burdens/temptations to grow in faith. You must be a strong woman that is for sure or you would not be facing your issues including your dad & loss of husband at the moment. God loves you very much. If God loves you so very much, you have to love yourself as well. You are special and unique and loved by God. You deserve love, like and respect. God loves you from Diane