Moods

Talk about mood changes, this morning I woke up in the calmest mood I've been in for years. I must of slept really well. I did not have to get up to any particular emergencies, I didn't feel my 'normal' pressures of having to get a whole mountain of stuff done that I didn't want to do, I didn't have to be somewhere to help someone else get something done...it was really peaceful, really nice. I feel at ease. Fortunately, the idea that 'something is wrong' was dismissed immediately, and instead I simply decided to enjoy the feeling now. I know from experience that the mood will change again, so I'm going to enjoy the feeling now and not worry about 'soon'. For a change, it's a choice. I'm certain I can come up with some of those old negative demands from my 'conditioning' over the years if I want to feel guilty for being at peace, but I choose not to do that. Right now I choose to ignor those old patterns of thinking and choose a different way, just to please myself, just to enjoy myself for a while. I realize that I have the ability to see things with a different viewpoint than many others. That I have an imagination 'outside the box' that makes me different. I accept that I am 'different', always have been, when compared to the majority of the 'outside' population. I suppose that I've reached a point, a threshold, of being selective; selective about what I want to say YES to, and what I say NO to, as far as my mind is concerned. I get to choose what is an emergency now, I don't want to react automatically anymore, I want to react by choosing how I want to respond to the demands of others who want to involve me in their drama, or irresponsible helplessness. To not jump in to 'save' them from 'their ' problem, and work on 'my' problem instead. To be selfish in caring for my self, my peace; and let them learn how to handle their peace. And if they fail to find peace, then they fail to find peace; and 'they' can try again when they get tired of being disturbed by the demands of the world they've choosen. I don't have to straighten it out, it's not my responsibility, it's theirs; I'll let them enjoy their 'lesson', even though they seem to be having fits with it. I can be compassionate, and I can still let them learn to handle their own problems in their own way. I don't have to have all the answers for everything anymore, I will contribute when I choose, not because I feel forced to contribute. I realize, at this moment, that I can choose to accept the demands of the day, or not. That I can accept the moment by moment events of the day that intrude, or try to intrude, on my peace, or I can fight them. There is no score being kept, it is not a test of how worthy I am to be blessed by God. It's not a test to see how well I can do compared to other fathers, other workers, or anyone else. It's an opportunity to enjoy life, with all its interesting challenges to distract me from the knowledge that 'all is well', all is as it 'should' be. Things will get done, other things will not get done; I can choose to be disappointed, or not. I can make myself just about as miserable or as peaceful as I choose; all I have to do is exercise my choice about how I want to feel. To choose what is important for me and let others choose what is important for them, and not confuse the two choices. There will always be opportunity for failure as long as I believe 'everything' is my responsibility, that everything must be a certain way, the majority's way; ask any 'lynch-mob', they'll be happy to tell me what's important to them and how I must agree with them, if I let them. I can agree with their emotions that are devoid of peace, if I want. However, I can choose to think differently, choose not to 'play', if that's how I allow myself to feel. I think I'm going to take the day off today, and let God run things for a change. Somehow I think God can handle this one day without my help...