Monster

    I never wanted to be like this. If I had a choice, I would have never chosen to become the monster that I am. Though I can mostly control the thirst, I sometimes still fall victim to its intense pull. I hate wanting the very thing I hate. It feels as if I need it to live…the desire is almost unbearable at times…and when I give in, I despise myself more than the one who did this to me.
    Why did I become his prey? Why did he set his eyes upon me? And even after he found a new and willing source, he still continued to seek me out. He sought and sought me, until I had become infected with an evil desire as well. Though my desire was not as twisted and devilish as his, I still wanted that which I hate. I hate it, and it causes me to hate myself, which causes me to hate my world and sometimes everyone in it. Now the war is not only against the thirst, but also against the hate that has filled me because of it. I am a monster…though in control, I am still a disgusting being that want that of which I do not need.
    If I had never crossed paths with that demon in human clothing, maybe I would be in a different…a much better place than I am now. Maybe I would be happier. Maybe I would be more whole and accomplished…but most of all, if I had never met him, would I now be loved? Would I be able to love? Would my life be one filled with love?
    Who….no, what would I be right now, if I had never had the horrid misfortune of meeting him…? What would life be like for me?