monday update

i did my best today.

i want to cry and cry and cry.  but i'm so tired.

i went back to the rheumy's office to complete the rest of the bloodwork.  the lady had to stick me in my hands cause i'm a mess.....both places she stuck blew up.  (the veins blew...) that can't be good.  but she finally got what she needed.  so now i have even more bruises......almost enough to play tic tac toe.

then on to my doctor doctor......pcphysician.  cause i am worried about my breathing.  gotta get off the prednisone asap.  can't sleep on my back lying flat, can't sleep on my left or my right side.......my breathing is so off.........it wakes me up at night.  maybe i should go get a cheap recliner to get me through this mess.........???? maybe so.

i don't want to have polymyalgia rheumatica and i don't want to have hypogammaglobulinanemia, but i have both.  i was confused before, but today when i went in i got the last three copies of my labs and i could see that i have that hypo(ridiculously long word) gammaglobulinanemia crap too.  i know i have brain fog but my rheumy must have it too, cause she should be telling me more about these illnesses.  other than saying that i have stuff she has given me no details.  the internet gets scary quick........

my drdr......not the PA is who i saw today, he said i need to get off the prednisone asap.......it's messing with so many things.....my gerds, my thyroid, my sugar levels.....which have never been a problem, my weight, my breathing........it's pretty awful.  it is a very helpful harmful medication........after i saw the doc i went over to the hospital and got a chest x-ray.

after that i bought myself a pair of navy blue slippers, got some to go food and came home to feel sorry for myself.

this level of fatigue is so weird......i was looking at the picture over my tv last night and it looked like it was melting into the ocean......my doc said i might have been semi asleep at that point.......maybe.  he said my fatigue is crazy bad.......i don't have to go anywhere the rest of the week so that's good. 

i had a dream where i was in a restaurant looking at a menu.  i kept going back to an item called programmable beef.......wondered what that was?  how did programmable beef come to be a thing?  where had i been that i had never had it?  then i realized the booth bench seat had reclined and now it was a bed.  i looked to my right and saw so many people people lined up.....looked to my left and there was a long row of people heads.......we were tucked in up to our chinny chin chins.....so many people in this restaurant in this endless bed.  what the hail.  about to order programmable beef.  my life is not right.  even for me.

not having to go anywhere is one less big thing to stresss over.  take care of me, take care of the cat kids.......ask bruce to come and mow soon.  my new to me washer/dryer are working great.......i am very thankful for them........and very thankful that the guys brought them to me and set them up. 

i don't feel mentally strong about all of this right now.  i feel like it's enough ....... need to get some fresh cold water and toddle off to bed.  my sheets can wait. my comforter can wait.  i cannot wait, i must lie down and be silent, be still.

praying for you in just a minute.....love u.