Monday, February 25, 2008

Well, I saw my doctor today, and he is convinced beyond resonable doubt that my wife is very borderline.  Every description that I've given of her merely reinforces the diagnoses in his head. Sigh... I really didn't want to believe it at first, because on the treatment scale borderline personality is almost untreatable, and patients with this disorder are almost impossible to live with.  Her emotional responses to events are VERY disproportionate to the events themselves.  She has a great deal of difficulty empathizing, and turns everything back around toward herself.  The events from her past all feel like yesterday in her mind because she is unable to complete the grieving process.  I'm not sure if couples therapy would help, because she is unlikely to be able to change her behavior, and I would be very nervous bringing up my true feelings in front of her.  I'm afraid of "punishment" in some form or another.  It's not a question of courage, it's a question of the relentlessness of the attack.  An attack on me could go on literally forever if I don't relent in some way.  That's enough to wear down anyone, and I'm feeling fragile right now.  So that means that, including her daughter, I am living with two women with borderline personality disorder.  Whoopee.  It's no wonder I'm a basket case. The funny thing is that my doctor and I have spent so much time talking about my wife's affect on me that we haven't really gotten anywhere in diagnosing me.  ADD with an additional anxiety disorder still seems to be the diagnoses of choice.  Add depression to the mix, and I'm what you end up with.  Throw in a borderline wife, and who the heck knows what you end up with. My next step is to learn as much about coping with a borderline person as possible.  I have a feeling that here, as well as with everything else with my wife, she will find a way to break the mold in this, as well.  Those damned brains of hers make everything more complicated.  I outscore her by 3 points IQ wise, but the fact that I outscore her by my logical reasoning ability is not helpful, because I have a lot of trouble getting her to understand logic. Damn, I wish borderline could be cured with a transfusion or something.  I'd gladly sacrifice some of my sanity if I thought it would help her.  Instead, I'm sacrificing my sanity and she is gettting no benefit from the sacrifice.