Monday April 5th - Day 4

Ugg... how I hate counting days.  But I guess that is what this has come to.  I have got to clutch onto something, something that will get me going on the right track.  Something to get this obsession out of my head and into my heart.  All I need is a little sign, something to set a flicker in heart.  That will take over my mind.  Right now it is being held hostage, buy this frickin thing called gamblin.  I am so, so, so bad about when I get a thought in my head - BAM - it sticks, its there, its done!  I am back at this "stage".  And I know... I know what I have to do.  GoshDarnIt, I just have to do it.  I have to accept the fact that I must quit. I have to want to.  I know that its never gonna stick if my heart is half in/half out.  Gotta put the whole body in.
I like the "comparison" that Mike made.  And he's right, if this had been a man that treated me like this, well, he would be long gone.  Mindset -- Mindset -- MindSet.  Gotta get my mind going in the right direction.  Heck, I just gotta get my mind going period.
I will start by rereading all the journals that helped me in January.  I will write more in this journal.  I will try not to think about it........
 

Replies

smokeygirl
smokeygirl

Good girl, I\'m proud of you - keep going!! Hugs, Smokeygirl
deleted_user
deleted_user

I never read that. That is sooo true. If gambling was a man, we would kick him to the curb. Takes all our money and leaves us with a moral hangover. I am praying for the Lord to give you strength. hugs. barb
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh Shelia, I\'m pulling for you. I also like the idea of comparing gambling to a man. You would drop him like a hot potato. Just keep that in mind.
Hugs Steph we are here for you!!!!!!
mrsfroggie
mrsfroggie

Like you said you have to want to quit. I know until I decided I truly wanted to stop I relapsed often. You can do this! I know you can, have a little faith in yourself, I know I have faith in you. Reading the journals will be a help, to see where you where you were at and how it made you feel. I\'m praying for you to find peace of mind and soul. Peace and Love. Patty