Mon, Jul 16 Session notes

We noted that I've rejected a lot of what my parents consciously or unconsciously taught me, ie in terms of academics and racism. Nicole suggested that my lingering anxiety may have to do with the things I haven't rejected yet. She noted that a lot of what my parents have trained me to do was done through coercion and a lack of respect. I brought up the Sequoia hotel shower example. She suggested that I could try to consciously do the opposite of what my parents have trained me to do (i.e. wear slippers at all times in the house) and see how I feel about it; if I feel more anxious or less anxious as a result. 

We also brought up the topic of future prospects (college), and being unsure about how dorm life will be, plus uncertainty about my major of study and how a lot of my choice there was based on pressure by my parents and family. Nicole asked "is obligation more important than your personal happiness?" and I answered "to a degree, yes." Nicole flipped that conversation on its head and asked "So what if you don't fulfill your obligations?" I brought up how in a family a lot of hopes are riding on my career success, including my aging grandparents and my parents who tend to start fighting when I'm not doing well academically. 

The topic of perfectionism was broached, and Nicole said that it's probably something we will have to work on a lot in future sessions. The idea that it's okay to not be perfect and to not be in control.  

I got a bit heated in this session when talking about parent stuff. I noticed that I raised my voice.