Mommy Issues

Can't remember my dream last night, but I certainly remember what happened before I went to bed.  I called my aunt Karen- the cheerleader of my marriage.  I wanted to speak with my mom, but she wasn't answering.  I would have gotten much different advice from her.  I probably wouldn't have ended up calling him, telling him such pitiful things.  So pathetic.  Maybe we don't remember some dreams because there are more important lessons to be learned from our realities.  I can't help but resent my mom a bit for not being there for me more.  I can't imagine having a daughter that was going through something like this, and not bothering to check on her every few days.  But Karen was right about one thing- my mom is not my friend.  She just doesn't like me much.  I forget that, because on the outside it would seem that we've finally developed a relationship.  But the reality is that she never gave a crap about me until I was pregnant.  She loves her Grandkids, not me.  She calls to hear what they're up to.  One thing I am thankful to my husband for is that he saw this.  It really blew his mind, too.  He saw how I was so desperate for her to just treat me like a human being.  "Something's wrong with her," he'd say.  Now she's got her exchange student coming soon.  Replacement daughter.  She's had a lot of those.  Most of the time, they've been my brother's girlfriends.  All the time in the world for them.  Ours has been a toxic relationship for so long.