Moments

Just wrote to my therapist what I’m thinking about. I've  been thinking about how we had talked about me coming here to the monastery for the fellowship primarily. I’ve been experiencing moments of togetherness and pleasure here from that. I’ve been growing to know what it means to live in a group to have close relationships with adult commitment and communication and also acceptance for things that make you stretch and grow as a mature adult for the organic nature for the ways life is lived individually. There's not 'a way' but rather each person just is a whole set of things for the way they're made up. So I’ve had periods here where I feel like how lucky I am and yet also a feeling of being disrupted or uncomfortable and a kind of chronic discontent. But since I did come here for more for fellowship, I feel that is what I’m getting here definitely. The religious aspect of things is something I’m growing to know better and to feel more comfortable with, though some I do not, (I'm understanding grace at a deeper level) but that side of personal interest or personal pleasures and things like that is not gotten here for me. I feel like I’m losing interest and will power to take care of my appearance. It feels at times like I’m ’not all there’ and more like the spirit of the need of the moment is carrying me through. I wrote to my therapist 'we should talk about this.'