Moment of Weakness!

A Child:
I have not done positive self-comments this week. I tried this morning when I got back from the doctors but instead of positive, I only said negative. I stopped speaking and cried when I had my entire head torn apart. "Your eyes are red and puffy, your lips are small and oddly shaped, your hair is flat and off color, your pores are too big, your nose is too big" The only positive thing I said was "your chin has a cute shape".... And that was after all of my negative comments. That's when I started to cry.
Why do I feel so broken today? I feel something is screaming inside me begging me to stop and that I'm okay but the rest of me is misrable and lost.
Whats on my mind today is my pregnancy. I've had alot of issues and complacations thuis far. My health is not the best, and the fact that my childs father is still livid with me over the words that I said is making it worse. I undersstand that words are powerfull after reading a "froggy story" that left me speachless. At the same time, I did not mean my words in the way that they were taken. There are no excuses for my words at all.
Its not worth starting a fight and bringing up how I was hurt too by things he said to me that night out of anger. Yes how I feel is important but it's just not worth starting another pointless fight. I want things fixed and I have no idea how to do so. It's been 3 days since our fight and let me tell you what, my heart is kicking my butt. So I've been biting my tounge only saying "I love you" I miss you" "My love doesn't run" and backing up for him to calm down and realze that I'm not "just anyone". I had to learn that about him the hard way, now its time for him to understand that about me.

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

First thing is first, why are trying to think positive thoughts about your appearance? It is good to feel comfortable with how you look but it is more important you are comfortable with who you are on the inside. Try thinking of good things you did or bad things you did not do when you are trying to think of positive thoughts. It is what you do not what you look like that makes you an important person.

As for how you are feeling about the argument(?) you had with your boyfriend the longer you let it go unchecked the more it will eat you up. If it has been three days and there is still ill feelings about it I would clear the air. Explain what you feel/felt but don\'t say he caused your feelings because he did not. If you are upset about something he said remember it was how you perceived what he said that made you upset. If it was something you said explain or try to explain what you truly meant. Be honest.
abjure
abjure

Fighting...I know this oh so well and how to brush all the said words under the rug. I am older and I have learn how to mask my true emotional state but, with consiquences (always). When things are left unsaid about issues that truely upset one or both of you, it ends up coming up in the next fight. And believe me there is always a next one and it comes even sooner if the last was never resolved.

You might feel that it is pointless to bring something up since \"time\" has passed and you do not want to rock the boat but, you have to. You have to, so that the relationship heals, you have to so that he knows, you have to for peace of mind. When you do sit down use the words \"I\" not \"you\" when explaining feelings. For example: I felt hurt, it might have just been me being overly emotional. That is why I said the awful things I did. I am sorry for that but, I am still hurt. WE need to figure out TOGETHER how we can communicate without hurting each other in the future. When you say \"I\" you are owning up to the problem, not deflecting the blame on him. If you say \"you\" he will start to feel hurt and we all know what happens then...he will end up hurting you again and saying things out of defense.

Work together and learn how to communicate. It is the key to a sucessful relationship. It is what makes couples stay together and respect bonderies. That is true love.

As for the self esteem issues. Stop looking in the mirror and start looking within. The light and beauty within will shine so bright that once you start to love yourself. You will only see superfical things that you find beautiful in others because you actually see the happiness within shining throw. Once you heal your inner soul you will find beautiful qualities and own it as your own. And others will notice too.
Heavensburden
Heavensburden

Really great advice from the both of you. I guess the outside is something I\'ve concentrared on because it masks how I\'m feeling inside? If that makes sence. I agree things left unchecked eat people up alive. I get frustrated when I try to speak because he gets depressed which then makes me frustrated with myself. He doesnt say anything I can see into his eyes, right thru his mask. Yes, everything left unsolved does come back in the next fight. Even fights after. Communication is lacking and it\'s so important. I believe the challage is how, and timing.