Moderate Day

Tomorrow I go see my therapist, so I have to go to sleep early. I have to be up at 8:30 to catch the bus to see her. I did get a call today from the transit agency and they said my bus pass was renewed for another year, which is great. I didn't even have to go downtown for that. I just faxed in the paperwork. I was dreading going downtown and having to wait in this long line for renewal. I should be going to sleep soon, but I'm not tired. I woke up today at noon, with the banging of carpet installation upstairs. I decided to go into work, since I had a headache and it was better in the quiet of work than in the noise that was at home. I just went in for a couple hours. I had trouble falling asleep again last night, but the waking up in the middle of the night has stopped with the klonopin. I'm just afraid I'm taking too much of it. I guess it's something I have to work out with my doctor.
I get to see my therapist tomorrow. I have a lot to talk to with her about the whole eating disorder thing. I don't know how much she knows about it, but it's good to have a talk about it. I don't know if I have one or not.... I know if I come home and tell Geo that my therapist says I'm ana he's going to freak out again. Even though today he didn't see me eat at all. I was low on food at home, so I went to work and ate. He was sleeping when I ate dinner. Last night I just had a bit of chicken for dinner, and he was making comments about how little I was eating, so maybe he's getting it into his head that there might be a problem. Although when I ate my peanut butter bagel I got back into range. I haven't weighed myself since Saturday because I'm scared of what it's going to say. I don't want to have gained weight doing the right stuff, because it's going to make me want to go back to restricting my calories. That, of course, would be bad.
I am upping my exercise, though, so I need to be eating more. I've been going for walks after work. I'm doing a weight loss challenge on Spark People, and this week's challenge is to do something different for exercise than you normally do. Today I tried the elliptical and it kicked my butt. I could only do 3 minutes, but according to my calorie counter that was 47 calories burned. I think I need to get in shape so I can do it more. I want to be burning about 1200-1500 calories a week. That's how much I need to eat in a day as well. I've been doing okay with burning 1000 calories, so I don't see how adding a couple hundred more is going to hurt. Another one of the challenges is to track all the food I eat (which I already do) and you get points for being in your calorie range as well. I was low today, so I had some peanut butter and drank some Gatorade.
Mood today was okay... I wasn't feeling that great when I didn't do as much as I wanted to do on the elliptical and work was just drama. I spent a bunch of time trying to find a doctor for a patient and I had to give up since none of the doctors I called took the guy's insurance. I had another patient like that, too, but Tiffany gave me the right doctor after trying some more. It's just that now with Gerry gone everyone is dealing with insurances that they haven't dealt with before. I don't know why they moved her... she was behind on her tasks and all, but she was still good and we don't have a lot of people in Managed Care. Every time I look, there's someone gone.
Food today was good, like I said. I managed to stay in my calorie range and burn off about as many calories as I should have today. Tomorrow I have to go to the store on the bus and I'm not looking forward to that. I have to get the luggage out of the closet and put it by the front door so I don't forget. I need to get milk, bread, stuff like that. Geo needs his soda... he's been out and drinking Gatorade. If I don't bring it to him, he will be upset. Besides, if Geo doesn't get his soda, he goes to the store and ends up buying more junk food that I would. I got him liking pita crackers and hummus rather than chips and dip. Although now I want some chips and dip. I want guacamole. I've been craving that for a while. I can't wait until avocados go on sale so I can make my own. I got a recipe from a friend for carrot chips and I wanted to try it out. Carrot chips and guacamole sound good. I need to make a shopping list so I know what I'm going to get. I don't want to spend all our food stamps money on things that we don't need so at the end of the month we are screwed. We shall see.