modality to normality
I have found myself upset a lot at different times lately.
I've been in touch here, and also in touch with my therapist.
We spoke yesterday and she talked to me about the idea of
'my normality.' She was herself trying to make sense of my upset
along the days and weeks and she said "maybe that is kind of a normality for you."
It was an impactful idea. And it is something I am metabolizing.
I woke up this morning and did an errand and got a coffee.
I am at home now and I was upset and feeling solitary - as those
upset feelings can really make me feel isolated...but I kept on keeping on.
I find what helps me to feel worthwhile and calmed is doing things
that I should do ...but also with a discipline.
I pulled out my receipts for this mornings purchases and I wrote them
down in my accounting ledger. It's just something that calms me
and makes my life feel worthwhile. I thought about "bywena" too and how
she crafts. I can see how that is her modality.
Mine is taking care of the household and doing something like bookkeeping.
It makes me feeling grounded and rescues me in my normality.
Replies
I have accepted those bouts as normal-for-me. The acceptance doesn't make them any funner, but it least it frees up huge portions of my psychic energy for finding more effective solutions. Crafting is pretty high on my list of more effective solutions. When I can relax and flow with ^it^, crafting is a whole heap funner than the eternal search for a cure for the common me.
Have you tried math/number puzzles? If you like bookkeeping. they might be your cup of chai.
thanks arfie (a big hug)!
hi Arfie, I was just thinking about your comment here so I am back to add some more.
It is indeed something that bothers me - like today when I volunteered
with the Treepeople again. It was very good to be active - to feel like I was doing
something worthwhile and valuable. I wasn't in bliss but it was a good thing to do.
Then I came home and the whole process of focusing on my life again really
stressed me out. I took a shower, I ate some lunch, I threw a load of laundry in the machine.
I checked emails, ds and so on... But then I decided to go get a coffee - as being social
was a piece of the puzzle - and it was nice. But now that I am home it's definitely a challenge
again. Maybe I will look into puzzle books like you said. I like Math.
I am also grateful in knowing I am not the only one to struggle with things like this.
I agree the acceptance doesn't make it funner but it does motivate me to try different
things...like you said. Thanks again Arfie!!!
I've been keeping busy here, and my ability to keep things always 'aware and sorted' is not
always there. In the past I may have used alcohol to try as a prescription for occupying
that pressure within me that keeps me thinking...but now I feel like I can adjust for that -
I mean, stay on top of it even if it's not fun - it's just a matter of shifting perspective a bit
and recognizing that it's part of my responsibility and part of what I am trying to do.
Hi Marky,
Ive been having a tough few days processing some things. In the past when hit with that “energy” I had to find a means to cope and it very much ebbs and flows. I have been playing sort of Tetris-y type color coded games as a way to sort of “sort” different energies and it has helped. It’s not forever and I’ll continue to work through projects/hobbies/crafts etc to keep the rotation going. Next on the list for me is trying to clean the bottoms of some pans based on an internet cleaning video I watched. And sometimes it’s trying a new recipe. These piddly putzing things helps me alleviate other pressures in my mind and life. Don’t know if that helps my sharing here but hope you find some “projects” or simply calming things that work. Hugs.
thanks Nikki, that's exactly it - I need to reject my impatience with myself and just try different things
and keep faith that things will pass.
Big hug back atcha!
you guys are my team. I so appreciate DS.org and all the amazing people here!!
Again I ply radical acceptance to those moments when ". . . my ability to keep things always 'aware and sorted' is not
always there." I don't always get to be the sharpest tool in the shed. Such is life. I don't always need to be at the top of my game to be okay just the way I am. It doesn't always mean I'm sliding back down the rabbit hole. Bad days happen and even the best of days have their cloudy moments.
I keep my projects, puzzles and other low stress distractions handy to while away the time until ^it^ passes. The important part is not to stress or panic over a cloudy moment. Let ^it^ pass at Godspeed. I'm okay, just the way God made me. God don't make trash.
Easy does it, Grasshopper. Let life flow by its own mysteries. All at Godspeed.
thanks arfie!
When you mention “impatience with myself” is it general anxiety? Inner panic? Sorry if that’s a tough question, just trying to understand.
I used to have several years of life that was plagued by panic. I really had to figure out why and chip away. Though my former psychiatrist just kept telling me to take Ativan which only masked the issues and I didn’t get anywhere productive.
If it’s panic, inner anxiety etc, have you ever done yoga or tai chi type exercise? It harnesses that kind of culminated sensation. It really works!
I have tried yoga and I do like to get exercise. Maybe another way of describing the impatience is that I get frustrated by my inability to find easy answers and so I am learning to shift gears and tell myself that it will eventually happen.
Understood. I will send up positive thoughts on your behalf as I move onto my next super exciting home project. Have a good night, Markus. Hugs.
Thanks Nikki, have s add good night.☮️☮️