MORE!

    I had a nice day yesterday, then at 5:30, when we were getting ready to go out to dinner, it hits. And suddenly; the stomach flips and starts rolling around,the anxiety level and feelings of sadness, sorrow, inability all go through the roof, clamminess, bloating, back ache, head ache, thirst, fear, panic...all of it...hits. I get on the couch and start crying, and shaking. Luckily, my husband was there. While he's off getting a pizza for himself and our daughter, I have a seizure. Just suddenly, EVERYTHING crashed to the ground. Had a hard time sleeping because I felt so uncomfortable.   Today, it started out not quite as bad (so far), but I still feel pretty awful. Hotflashes, clamminess, GID, shakiness, fear, anxiety, sorrow, bloating, anger...it's all still here. And the timing is very bad; my daughter's in a school play today. I told her I would try my best to come,and the little dear said she'd understand if I didn't. We're having some major plumbing problems right now and my husband is doing it himself (partially because he can and partially because money's not so good). But I need to go shopping- there's no bread for lunch box sandwiches and we need veggies. (Normally J would go and do it, but he's got the guts of the bathroom sink out on the floor and will probably be late to work.)   Ohmigoddess, make this stop!! I feel so HORRIBLE, physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm shaking, I'm crying, everything looks dark and foreboding without any happiness anywhere. And I'll have to pull myself together and pick up the little one from school later. OH, God, SOMEBODY make it STOP!! I don't want any more seizures, or panic and anxiety, or GID, or ANY of it...and there's no one I can call. My aunt inMD sent another email, this time severely insulting me by saying that she feels that I "need a little nudge" to go find a support group when she knows damn well I can't drive, and said that I had to stop "waiting for someone to rescue" me, like I"m some princess sighing in some tower. So I can't call her. Two nights ago my manic depressivesister  , called me and dumped a lot of shit on me, then needed a lot of reassuring. This is common; if I need help or support, I certainly cannot call her. Who then?    I turn to you at DS. Please remind me that this WILL go away, that I'm not crazy, that I am doing the best I can do with what I have...all of it. I need to hear all of it...whatever you can do to reach through this internet and give a hug and hold me while I cry. Intellectually, I do know this will pass; I've told many women here that. But right now, the logical side of me, along with the stable side, have been outnumbered and overpowered, and are both lying bound and gagged in some closet of my mind where I can't reach them. And the menopausal demons surround me. Go away, you sh**s; I'm trying to think Good Thoughts, but my body pulls my attention back to its suffering. Oh, god, make it STOP...