mixed nuts
I've been having a kind of mixed up experience today.
I wrote the last one or two journals and then got on with the day
of errands and keeping the house ship shape - with a sense of affirmation - and also
a sense of agency/choice. Then I got my hair cut in late morning - and then my Dad called and surprised
me with something. Very very kind thing to do.
I ended up going somewhere with him - and then he dropped me off after
and I settled in here at home. I ate a whole pint of matcha green tea ice
cream and then a block of goat milk cheddar - a dairy overload.
As I sat there in front of the tv, I didn't feel right (it wasn't the dairy.) : I was cross with myself
for having been paranoid earlier before my Dad called me - and after seeing my Dad was so
confused by my paranoia and so dissavowed of it by the call and contact - and was upset that I was like that at times.
I tried to figure out what was my sense? or senslessness?
I thought about somethings. Some answers to help me give myself
a kind of greater sense of continuity and reasonability about my frame of thought and place
in the world. I started to get really depressed so I aimed to go for a walk.
Initially I thought to buy some Prosecco from the Trader Joe's - but the remedy
seemed a bad choice for the looming depression within.
I came home - made a pot of coffee and happily was pleased with the choice
and it boosted my spirits. I kind of thought again about my issue of confusion
earlier and my temperamentality. As I watched TV - 1st a British show - and then
and Australian show. I tried to just be open to what I was watching - rather than
watch myself as I was watching - I dove in deep into the characters. What is my problem today ?- what is it about?
I kind of came to the conclusion that these people on the screen were all struggling
with life and clearly they were - with their feelings and risks and relationships.
Call it purposeful dramatic tension for entertainment on one hand - but it struck
me as chord of universality and as maybe what life is all about at times.
A long, long time ago, my best friend said life was about "We struggle."
And it seems to be coming back to me now and resonating...
Here's to all the good stuff, the dynamics and the mix of nuts we endure that
makes life about survival and management and affirmation and complexity.
It's a textured wonderful experience.
I'm all for it! :-)
Peace guys,
have a good night.
Replies
Glad you had a nice outing with the dad. I don’t get paranoia like I once did in different eras of my life, when there were more shenanigans causing such sensations. But every once in a while I feel like people are gossiping or something in a public space. I’ve learned to just let it ride and go about my normal business.
But other times paranoia was clinical.
Hope the weekend continues to be enjoyable …. and if I ever have a day where I splurge eat, I keep it healthy the next. Or at least attempt to haha. Green tea ice cream does sound yummy.
It was really good!! :) I’m a chubby happy Buddha
Nothin’ wrong with that! My french grandma would always refer to her self as a chubby happy Buddha. :)
why am i cross and paranoid at times? could it be because i'm one of them flawed human critters?
as for the people who are hurt and/or confused by my human imperfections, making amends for the fact instead of getting lost in hypothesis often results in deeper bonds with the person who was caught in the crossfire. i have often heard that the chinese pictograph for "problem" is danger crossed by opportunity. i've yet to confirm or deny the rumor, but i sure love the idea. a problem is nothing more, nor less than an opportunity to learn and/or improve the world around us.
just philosophicating. . . that's what you do with grinning buddhas, isn't it?
Hi
that’s interesting, ‘tried to just be open to what I was watching, rather than watch myself as I was watching’ - yea I can relate to that
lol grinning Buddha’s, that’s one of my cat Baby’s nicknames ‘Buddha bear’
Big hug <3
Thanks Arfie and lil miss,
Just waking up here! Good morning!!