Missing him

I have been very peaceful as I plan a celebration of Eddie's life. Last night, however, was a different story. I spoke to my ex-husband, Eddie's Dad & he is grieving, (of course) & racked with guilt over not being there for Eddie for many years. He was actively drinking & couldn't & shouldn't have been involved with his son, but probably could've sent letters or called, but didn't. I have forgiven him & I believe Eddie knows all there is to know now, so I believe he's forgiven his father. I shared these thoughts with the ex, but he just couldn't be comforted.
Then I spoke with my granddaughter Christina who was also missing her Dad terribly. I got off the phone & cried & cried for hours. I want off this roller coaster of emotions. I think Julie, (Firefly) said it well. I am so tired of feeling sad.
Well my dear friends, it is good to vent. I will take a deep breath & decide to have a decent day & peaceful day. (maybe). Love & peace to all.