Missing him
I have been very peaceful as I plan a celebration of Eddie's life. Last night, however, was a different story. I spoke to my ex-husband, Eddie's Dad & he is grieving, (of course) & racked with guilt over not being there for Eddie for many years. He was actively drinking & couldn't & shouldn't have been involved with his son, but probably could've sent letters or called, but didn't. I have forgiven him & I believe Eddie knows all there is to know now, so I believe he's forgiven his father. I shared these thoughts with the ex, but he just couldn't be comforted.
Then I spoke with my granddaughter Christina who was also missing her Dad terribly. I got off the phone & cried & cried for hours. I want off this roller coaster of emotions. I think Julie, (Firefly) said it well. I am so tired of feeling sad.
Well my dear friends, it is good to vent. I will take a deep breath & decide to have a decent day & peaceful day. (maybe). Love & peace to all.
Then I spoke with my granddaughter Christina who was also missing her Dad terribly. I got off the phone & cried & cried for hours. I want off this roller coaster of emotions. I think Julie, (Firefly) said it well. I am so tired of feeling sad.
Well my dear friends, it is good to vent. I will take a deep breath & decide to have a decent day & peaceful day. (maybe). Love & peace to all.
Replies
Cried myself to sleep last night, I completely understand. Hugs to you, Angela
It is unfortunate about the guilt the ex is feeling....something that only he alone can come to grips with no matter what you say....the past two days have been torment...my eyes hurt....I know your pain inside and out...it is tiring but I hope the Lord blesses you beyond belief today and that peace is in the air you breathe and you have a renewed spirit...... lots of love to you and Eddie, dale...brandon\'s mom
I also was struck by Julie\'s statement \"I am so tired of feeling sad\". I\'ve been feeling trapped and just keep thinking \"stop the world ~ I want to get off!\"
Sending prayers of peace, healing and comfort to each one of us today.
Love, hugs and thoughts of peace ~ Debbie
I hope the pain lightens for all of us. Thanks for letting me vent. It helps & I\'ll take all the help I can get. Love & peace to you.
I\'m sorry that Eddie\'s dad is struggling. The guilt can be such a killer and doesn\'t change or serve any kind of purpose. Yet, I know we all must cycle through these emotions and live with them the best that we can. Take care of you in the midst and I do believe that this journey of grief can be so exhausting. Looking for those peaceful glimpses of life again and reading those journals of others who are showing me that it is indeed possible. So much understanding sent your way and a big hug too. Joanie
Thank you Joanie. It is awful the guilt. I feel bad for him. He didn\'t mean to hurt anyone & now he is so much older & wiser & lost many years with his son. He is now making amends with me, (which I appreciate) & trying to get to know Eddie\'s kids,
( they aren\'t ready to know him yet). He has been sober for 9 years. Ken & I applaud his recovery & we all try to help each other, but I must take care of myself its true. I can\'t help my grandchildren if I\'m a mess. Looking for those glimpses with you. Love & peace to you.
Oh yes...I remember being tired of being sad. Early on there is no way to stop the complete sadness...but over time you can enjoy things again. For me, there was a point that I got to that I said...I do not want to live like this the rest of my life...so I fought to see good things in each day...which has lead to happiness. It is possible. Love to you...Karen
Thank you sweet friend, you give me hope. Love you.
Karen said it so well that all I can say is \"ditto\". May you and your ex find peace in your heart and may your memories bring you comfort and happiness. Truly your friend, BarbaraWawa
I too am tired of being sad. Praying for peace & comfort for all of us. Hope you do have a good & peaceful weekend! Love, Kim
The day will come ... you will see the sunshine again, and hear the birds singing, but it will take time- I NEVER thought I could ever be happy without Mitch- but I have found a different kind of happiness. Remember we are all here to help you along this journey, Love and Hugs, Charlene
Babe do as I am just take deep breaths and push forward. Love to you! Julie
Thank you all - you are all so kind & a blessing. Love & peace.
It is good to vent . Trust me there will be days where tears will be absent.It all takes time. Hugs, Inga
{{{Hugs}}}