Missing a friend

I really don't like to feel out of control.  In a way, this may seem strange since I also, from the looks of it, have issues with authority and hate regimented schedules.  That said, when something is wrong, in this case, my depression, I hate the helplessness I feel.  So I read.  I read whatever I can get my hands on to try and understand what's happening to me/us. I pulled "The Drama of the Gifted Child" by Alice Miller off my shelf for the first time in years tonight.  It was given to me over 10 years ago by a friend whom I miss.  We never fell out, just lost touch.  To this day, he is one of the smartest and most insightful people I have ever met.  Most of our time together involved discussing our dysfunctional lives and/or their origins.  We were raised quite differently: he is pretty much a WASP and went to Yale.  His mother was an alcoholic and he was neglected.  My family, including me, are immigrants.  I barely made it out of the specialized high school I attended in NYC (people don't like it when you're underage, unemancipated and living with boys in what social services called an "unfit" home).  My father was always on top of me and my business.  No privacy in his regime.  Yet my friend and I, overeducated and lost ended up in administrative assistant positions at the same high brow firm in the city.  I trained him and I am pretty sure he thought I was a bitch at first.  I like to make sure I come across strong and confident....I don't remember when we realized we had something in common, but he became one of my closest friends and confidants for a good part of my 20s.  We talked about psychology and philosophy.  I always thought of him as someone I could learn from.  I used to wonder if my questions and debates wearied him.  He was just smarter than me.  I always knew and admired him for that. I miss him and I miss our talks, selfishly, because I think I could still learn from him today.  We ran across each other on Facebook recently, and overworked as I was, I didn't stop to call when we set a date to catch up.  I'd love to talk to him now.  I wish we were both in better places.