Miss my Smokey even though I am happy with Dave.
I miss my Smokey dearly. I am happy with Dave as well. When I am with Dave or babysitting my grandson Tyson, I am happily content. When I come home to the empty apartment, I miss Smokey like crazy. I don't think it is good for me to be alone as I feel the grief so incredibly intense in this one bedroom apartment. This was Smokey's apartment. He bought it in 1992. I moved in in 2000. It was our apartment but legally in Smokey's name. We were happy here until Smokey died on Nov. 15, 2009. My world changed. I felt it fall beneath my feet. It has taken a hard road to get back to where I am now and it still is not in a good place. I have come along way baby but there is much road for me to travel on. I don't know why God's takes us on these crazy trips but it is the most difficult thing I have ever had to do. Nothing compares to the journey I am on these days. I am still trying to figure things out. God has my life going around in twists and turns. I don't know what to expect from day to day. I only know that I am in God's hands. The best hands to be in on this crazy planet. I am just realizing it that I will have to live with the sadness of my soul and spirit. I am not sure if I have to live with the sadness the rest of my life or not. Dave and my grandson Tyson are my world and they make me happy. Still I come home to the empty apartment and the sadness takes over to where I weep and cry. I know some of you feel what I am feeling. Anyone else experience this at all? Am I alone or in good company? from Diane B.
Replies
Why not share a place with your daughter and family, you can have your own area but still have family close.
I\'m in the same position. I\'ve spent the past months analyzing why I feel so alone. I thought my adjustment would be much quicker. Instead, I\'m missing him everyday. Sometimes I think about him when I\'m making decisions. I think, boy if he were here, he\'d really enjoy this or that. And I think of how we would discuss things. No other loss has affected me this much. I know it\'s because losing a mother meant losing someone you love, but she wasn\'t my future. I didn\'t expect to have a future life with her. But a husband--now that\'s a physical pain. I feel cheated. I lost my husband when I was only 53. Never thought I\'d use the word only in front of that number.
It\'s like a major hole in my heart. I\'m doing better, but only because I have no choice.
You know Diane if it wasn\'t us on this journey, it would be them. I don\'t know if my Mike could have coped with the loneliness that I have experienced since his death. Even though we have suffered, God doesn\'t put anymore on us than we can handle. Maybe thats why your Smokey and my Mike were taken first. I am glad you have someone in your life to share things. Hugs!
I truly believe that while we can find happiness with famiy and others we will never truly overcome the loss of our loved ones. We go on and we live because there is no other choice.......but the loss is always felt and the grief and tears are always just under the surface.......no matter how much we try to hide them from the rest of the world. I think all widows and widowers are living proof that you can smile on the outside and cry on the inside.
Hugs, Dianne
I find peace with my home, family and friends, but the hole is always a gaping one. Lately things have picked the scab wide open and I have had a difficult time dealing with it. I often wonder what Dick thinks of me now. Is he pleased? Is he dissapointed? For you see, I lost my cheering section and my support board. He isn\'t here to give me that support and it is not easy to give yourself the accolades.
I\'m committed to being available and supporting to family and friends, for I have always been a giver. And, to be truthful with myself, I can be no other than my husband\'s wife, for that\'s what completes me.