Miss my husband Smokey, it's been 3 months

I miss my husband Smokey and it has been three months.  We are supposed to heal.  I wonder how long it takes?  I have been mourning him all day today.  I still am and it is about 8:20 p.m.  Are we supposed to get on with our lives?  I guess other people think we are supposed to.  In reality, the pain is still with you.  You still mourn and grieve the loss.  I felt as if my heart was taken out of my body.  It still feels that way.  I am supposed to look for a job but how can I when I am still mourning the loss of Smokey?  Life doesn't make any sense.  Why do all these good people die?  Why wasn't it us?  I should not speak for anyone else.  Why wasn't it me instead?  I should have been the one that died not Smokey.  I loved him so much.  I will never find anyone else like him.  No one can ever measure in his foot steps or fill his shoes.  Why did not the world stop when we lost our own loved ones?  It's weird to still see people laughing and smiling when we are not.  My heart is in so much pain.  Sigh!  Sigh!  Sigh!