miserable
I went to therapy this morning - and then my parents' house
and now I am home. I feel like my mind undermines me
and after being with others today I feel very miserable.
I take solace from being able to come here and hang out
with my tribe.
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so often when I am by myself, I lose sight of keeping a standard around the house.
I mean I do keep it clean but I could do better - and I keep my bed made and I make meals and clean up after but I coul do better...
I guess today as I am here feeling listless and thrown to the winds, undermined by my musings this weekend and habits
that also get me into trouble... I guess if I kept up a standard and keep up a standard
that will help me feel redeemed and have a redemptive quality which will probably help me feel
better about myself. If all else fails, things around here and in my life will be well done.
I don't want to complain but I find myself living in the shadow of certain people in my life - afraid to
'do' outside of their consideration. They invade my natural mind and put me on alert.
I wish we had more of a shared aspect to our lives rather
than a vertical power structure. Maybe this is all in my head. I wish were stronger and had a future to look
forward too. Now, being middle aged - I realize it's all about preventative care until the eventual demise when
everything falls apart.
Maybe there are things I can do to make me more happy. Sorry for the doom and gloom. Let's be festive!! We'll always have Paris! :) xo
Sometimes when we first start therapy, we can feel worse rather than better. We start to bring up old thoughts and feelings and it can be painful. Maybe that's what's going on Mark.
Feel better.
Hang in there Mark. I'm having a slightly rough time too.
thanks guys!!