Mirtazapine part 2

Well, I decided to get off the Mirtazapine. The Depression was so dark and painful, the suicidal thoughts were constant. So I went off could turkey and felt the dark thoughts lift immediately. Now I suffer with anxiety again but it's much better than the way things were. I wish I could get to see a doctor when I need one. I have to wait 3 more weeks to even see a Nurse, and I'll have to tell them I went off one of my meds. Makes me nervous. I don't know if they will give me a different med or I'll have to wait Another month after that to see the doctor. And if I get a different med, will it be any better? I really wish I could be on the right meds Now. But at least things are better than they were. I'm actually doing semi-ok. Keeping my fingers crossed that I stay ok.