mini update

I am soorry people for not updating much on me as i would like to i just cant but here is a little update on me. I not had weed in a week and my God its so hard to not full bk at the weed and take it so instead im drinking loads. which i know aint the answer but it is right now. I asint feeling to good. I was in devon last week had a bit of fun but still couldnt smile as i ment it was only faking it. grrr. I just cant cope much longer things so getting ontop of me all su thoughts and stuff:( i just cant tell no doctors or anything im denying my illness as i dont wanna accept it again:(. I feel lost in everything i do days go by as a blur