methinks
I think that I think because I have this 'struggle'/condition that I have been shuttering in.
I'd like to take myself out there and do some greater good. I won't buy into a victim or
an idleness but will celebrate and push my limits.
maybe that's my new year's resolution! :)
Replies
I strive to do more and have been encouraged by my family to do more. There's a pressure to it
and yet only I can do it. I am wrestling within and trying to take the first steps at doing some volunteer work. I think maybe I'd like to help veterans up at the VA near the UCLA campus.
I don't know if they have a volunteer program but that seems like it would be time well devoted.
I'll look into it and write more about it later.
I think being non-committal is kind of defense mechanism. So little of what I do is satisfying
and it seems the only thing I seem to thrive on, for now, is doing 'the right thing.' It kind of scares me what I really want maybe - but also when I think about what I want to do - it's hard to decide what that is.. I really have no clue most of the time. Then when I decide on something and get out there into the world, my anxiety takes over and I just want to leave and get back to my room. This happens when I go out to my parents' house and when I have gone to the museums and then to volunteering. Much of what I do now is going to work. Do the best damn job I can. Then come home and make small runs to the market for treats. Small walks as well.
my hesitance could also be because of a fear of failure - and what I wrote above about sort of encompasses that to an extent. I need to buddy up with someone, who wants to share 'pushing each other on' to our goals. Stay healthy and well minded about keeping 'on target' with life goals.
Like a 'work out buddy.' I can go it alone though but want to keep 'healthy minded' above stuff.