Messed Up!
I am so confused and moody and messed up right now.
So I don't know if the moons are doing some funny stuff or something but not one but two of my exes contacted me this week. Plus the ex I ran into at the mall makes three. Is this some sort of message?
One ignored me. One told me that if he and his girlfriend ever broke up I would be the first door he knocked on (gee thanks) and the last says he made an awful mistake and he misses me and can't stop thinking about me and says he didn't realize how much I meant to him until I was gone.
I can't take it. I cried doing dishes tonight. I cry all the time let's face it and half the time I don't even know why!!! I feel like an emotional basketcase. All of them make me feel like shit because all of them hurt me in some way and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm over educated in all this guy stuff and there's so much to read and so much to learn it feels like it will take 20 years until I am in the place where I could have a successful relationship. I'm overwhelmed with it all.
To top it off I just found out my 17-year-old niece, who has drug abuse problems, a crack-head mother and is living with her 18-year-old dirtbag boyfriend is pregnant and I seem to be the only one who is concerned about this! No one seems to care. This child will have no chance and everyone is talking about baby showers and ultrasound pictures and no one seems worried that this girl has not finsihed high school (and probably never will), has no job and is about to have a baby! I will support her but I really want no part of it. I can't watch another child go down.
I feel really alone. I don't really have a lot of friends to talk to. I don't have family to talk to...
I just wish I could pack up some stuff, take my kids and go to an island for a couple of weeks. Hell, maybe a few months!
And of course I'm reading a book right now about intention....what you focus on the most will manifest itself and here I am beng downright negative. And then I feel guilty about it.
I hate feeling like this. I can't seem to shake the funk lately.
So I don't know if the moons are doing some funny stuff or something but not one but two of my exes contacted me this week. Plus the ex I ran into at the mall makes three. Is this some sort of message?
One ignored me. One told me that if he and his girlfriend ever broke up I would be the first door he knocked on (gee thanks) and the last says he made an awful mistake and he misses me and can't stop thinking about me and says he didn't realize how much I meant to him until I was gone.
I can't take it. I cried doing dishes tonight. I cry all the time let's face it and half the time I don't even know why!!! I feel like an emotional basketcase. All of them make me feel like shit because all of them hurt me in some way and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm over educated in all this guy stuff and there's so much to read and so much to learn it feels like it will take 20 years until I am in the place where I could have a successful relationship. I'm overwhelmed with it all.
To top it off I just found out my 17-year-old niece, who has drug abuse problems, a crack-head mother and is living with her 18-year-old dirtbag boyfriend is pregnant and I seem to be the only one who is concerned about this! No one seems to care. This child will have no chance and everyone is talking about baby showers and ultrasound pictures and no one seems worried that this girl has not finsihed high school (and probably never will), has no job and is about to have a baby! I will support her but I really want no part of it. I can't watch another child go down.
I feel really alone. I don't really have a lot of friends to talk to. I don't have family to talk to...
I just wish I could pack up some stuff, take my kids and go to an island for a couple of weeks. Hell, maybe a few months!
And of course I'm reading a book right now about intention....what you focus on the most will manifest itself and here I am beng downright negative. And then I feel guilty about it.
I hate feeling like this. I can't seem to shake the funk lately.
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