Messed Up!

I am so confused and moody and messed up right now.
So I don't know if the moons are doing some funny stuff or something but not one but two of my exes contacted me this week.  Plus the ex I ran into at the mall makes three.  Is this some sort of message?
One ignored me.  One told me that if he and his girlfriend ever broke up I would be the first door he knocked on (gee thanks) and the last says he made an awful mistake and he misses me and can't stop thinking about me and says he didn't realize how much I meant to him until I was gone.
I can't take it.  I cried doing dishes tonight.  I cry all the time let's face it and half the time I don't even know why!!!  I feel like an emotional basketcase.  All of them make me feel like shit because all of them hurt me in some way and now I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm over educated in all this guy stuff and there's so much to read and so much to learn it feels like it will take 20 years until I am in the place where I could have a successful relationship.  I'm overwhelmed with it all. 
To top it off I just found out my 17-year-old niece, who has drug abuse problems, a crack-head mother and is living with her 18-year-old dirtbag boyfriend is pregnant and I seem to be the only one who is concerned about this!  No one seems to care.  This child will have no chance and everyone is talking about baby showers and ultrasound pictures and no one seems worried that this girl has not finsihed high school (and probably never will), has no job and is about to have a baby!  I will support her but I really want no part of it.  I can't watch another child go down.
I feel really alone.  I don't really have a lot of friends to talk to. I don't have family to talk to...
I just wish I could pack up some stuff, take my kids and go to an island for a couple of weeks. Hell, maybe a few months!
And of course I'm reading a book right now about intention....what you focus on the most will manifest itself and here I am beng downright negative.  And then I feel guilty about it.
I hate feeling like this.  I can't seem to shake the funk lately.
 
 
 
 
 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

What you are writing about is super common when leaving a pathological relationship and you have had not one but SEVERAL.

When I was visiting my mom in January, she suggested that I get on anti-depressents because of the constant crying. A friend of mine that has NOT been with a pathological, but had a year of near constant stress (one parent dying, the other having to move in with her because of dementia, being a single mom with teen-age son acting like a a typical teen-ager, laid off after 22 years on the same job, etc.,etc.

I think those tears mean - I am overwhelmed. Since I am not a fan of prescription meds, I started taking an amino acid called Sam-E. It really has seemed to help and I am not longer tearing up at the slightest thing.

Recovery from these types of people is a long and winding road. You will get there, it just takes time and closure.

I think all of the exes contacting you is simply the universe testing you to make sure you are serious about working on yourself and do not submit to temptations especially of someone you know is not good for you.
arat38
arat38

Thanks SusyP! I guess I\'m not the only one in the world who feels like this! I know deep down I\'m going in the right direction but not every day am I that positive about it. I might try that amino acid you\'re taking. I have been so down lately and that is definitely not me. I never thought about aftereffects of these relationships. I just thought once you were out things would be better.

And don\'t worry about the universe and tests...I think I\'m gonna pass this one!

Thanks for your support!
deleted_user
deleted_user

Oh no, ending it just means the grief is going to come to the surface.

If you have time, here are 2 radio shows to listen to. They are an hour each but I listened to them in bits.

The first is a great summary of being with a narc and the after affects, the second is about a girl that had a drug problem and said that the addiction to a narc is worse then crack.

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/empowered-love/2010/03/23/author-lisa-e-scott-talks-about-when-its-all-about-him

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/empowered-love/2010/03/16/relationship-expert-melanie-tonia-evans-discusses-?loomia_ow=t0:s0:a50:g2:r3:c0.263117:b31184502:z0

Also, read these 2 articles.
deleted_user
deleted_user

Also, read this: Really important:

http://www.webofnarcissism.com/forums/index.php/topic,6641.0.html

The damage that they do:

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/29/damage-they-do
pageo
pageo

WoW Susy... what a trail of info you leave... I love it!

Arat

\"he didn\'t realize how much I meant to him until I was gone.\"

This is such crap... this is about him and not about you. It is about his feelings and says nothing about... so how are you doing? I am sorry I hurt you. I am aware that my behavior was bad etc etc etc... NOPE! it is about his need and what he wants and what he missed which might just be some one that is most available to be leached off of. Creep! this kind of statement is entirely suck-eee ! I mean it... i didn\'t know until you were gone. what horse DOO. OK got that out.

Can not stand hearing that kind of stuff. Please do not take the time to listen to it.

OK, so you are over whelmed. This has happened to me a few times when three x\'s were all coming back at me at the same time. It is a trip that is for sure.

But, what I wouldn\'t do is give it any magical meaning such as the moon or the stars. Just see it as when it rains it pours and your meaning can change from \" why are they?\" to \"where am I at now ?\"... as in checking in with you emotional state. Self focus.

I get the sense that you experience powerlessness and that this is the main issue at hand.

If you are giving any of these insensitive X\'s time to speak and blather... STOP Hang UP, as in - hang them out to dry and be with yourself as you are now and not in terms of how you were with them. Exit that place.

i wish I could convince you of your true nature... the lovely and stong person that you are. that is the shadow side of all this. As powerful as your tears are is a powerful your being is ... that is why those tear are so very strong. I used to practice with the idea of counting tears and that my hurting is my being trying to grow out and beyond the suffocating and unacceptable conditions I once allowed myself to endure.

Respect your essence and know that all that is piled on top is really not a self but certainly a condition. Conditions CHANGE... essence just IS. (((hugs)))
arat38
arat38

Thanks Pageo...this was a lot to think about. I must confess that I did actually listen to one or two of these exes and as you say not a good idea but it actually helped me with something. These people never change. Like you said no one was calling me and saying I am sooo sorry I treated you this way and I apologize. In fact one ex called me and i was busy with my son and said could he call back at a better time and he got pissed and I haven\'t heard from him since. This is obviously because my entire focus was not on him which he was used to with me. Before I would have put my son on hold not him. I am proud of myself for this. And I see that it\'s still all about him. I feel better a bit because I know no matter what I will not go to that place again. I can see it for what it is now.

I am not totally myself yet but your words give me comfort:)
arat38
arat38

Thanks Susy for all the info... I will check it ALLL out! I think I am grieving because lately I have been in such a funk and crying for no reason at all and I feel down and nothing is really happening. These exes coming along didn\'t help. It just brings a lot of old feelings back. One step forward, two back I guess. I think I\'m starting to recognize bad behavior though and that\'s a start!
AgentSmith
AgentSmith

Wow, you have every right to be a \"basketcase\" after encountering THREE exes in one week! My god, if I had to endure all 3 of mine in one week I think I\'d end up in a mental hospital, staring at the ceiling, mumbling incoherently!

I feel bad for your niece\'s child. That\'s a terrible situation. It will be difficult for that child to not end up being screwed up if it grows up in a situation like that. I hope that it works out.