Message from the Heart
I awoke this morning feeling heavy hearted, tearful and sad. I got my coffee as usual, did my normal routine but couldn't shake the feeling; so, I lit my candle and sat in meditation. I began to cry; not just cry, but cry uncontrollable. I was grieving a Mother I never had. I was never held that I remember, never hugged, never told I love you, never assured, never supported, never nurtured, never taught about girl things, never taught, period! And I cried and I cried and I cried and I cried. Then came the "sting" of the abuse. My head was spinning Almost 63yrs. old and I am "out of control." Then, a miraculous thought came to me...my Mom gave me birth physically and then she gave me my Spiritual Birth. When I was going thru my divorce years ago, my Mom had moved to San Antonio and began to attend a church called Unity. I was a mess during my divorce and she suggested if there was a Unity Church in Springfield, she would run to it; I DID. Unity no longer serves my Spiritual needs; however, it SAVED my life at one time!
I have learned to Mother myself over these years by honouring where I am; I have learned to support me, hug me, and finally love me. But if I tell the truth (small t) I still long for that Mother with skin on. So, today I cry, today I will light a candle for Mom who had eight children, worked like a dog, lived with an abusive husband (my Dad), was a child of molestation, was a child of abuse, was an abandoned child, who was never held, never loved, never taught girlie things, never assured and never supported. Today I forgive again!
Today I will light a candle for my children Erin and Travis who struggle with finding their way Home and have compassion in my heart for them as they do. Today I will forgive again.
Thank-you you sweet Spirit for bringing this to my attention this morning.
Hugszzzz, Vicki
I have learned to Mother myself over these years by honouring where I am; I have learned to support me, hug me, and finally love me. But if I tell the truth (small t) I still long for that Mother with skin on. So, today I cry, today I will light a candle for Mom who had eight children, worked like a dog, lived with an abusive husband (my Dad), was a child of molestation, was a child of abuse, was an abandoned child, who was never held, never loved, never taught girlie things, never assured and never supported. Today I forgive again!
Today I will light a candle for my children Erin and Travis who struggle with finding their way Home and have compassion in my heart for them as they do. Today I will forgive again.
Thank-you you sweet Spirit for bringing this to my attention this morning.
Hugszzzz, Vicki
Replies
I\'ll go out on my shaky limb here. When a person sheds their physical bodies, everything we are, our consciousness, the issues that we have not dealt with in the physical, those aches and pains,the good and the bad, simply continue on with us into the spirit world. They remain with us since they are our lessons in which we need to work through. In the spirit world there is no such thing as time, what is a thousand years on earth is merely a moment over there. We all heal at our own pace, taking as much \"time\"or \"moments\" as required. One of the benefits of this physical world is that we have a great opportunity to stay focused on those lessons, it\'s just near impossible to get away from from our pain and hurts. Over there, there are endless, infinite distractions, being that we can travel the universes the dimensions by thought alone. Working through our issues over there is often a longer process. What you experienced,( I knew from the start) was a gift, not quite from \"sweet Spirit\", but from the sweet spirit of your mom. She has started the healing process of her issues and choose to share that with you. You were crying together. Although painful, this gift she has shared with you is perhaps one of the greatest of all, one out of pure Love. You may have issues with your mom and now is the time to \"talk\" those out. I say \"talk\" since the resonance of the voice is essential in releasing that negativity. When we \"think\" of our aches and pains, we don\'t release that energy, it merely whorls round and round inside us. Yet the voice \"carries\" that negative energy out, giving it back to the universe, even a \"whisper\" will still do this, although yelling works the best . So feel free to share all those pains you have at this time with your mom, it\'s very obvious to me that she loves you very, very much, even though perhaps in the past that wasn\'t apparent or even not at all, It\'s never too late to make amends!
I normally don\'t \"go there\" with a lot of people, yet you seem to have a good grasp on spirituality and probably understand this, I hope LOL. I would have liked to go into more detail, but i type very slow, and would be doing this all day LOL, Hope this helps, HUGS to you, from my Heart to yours, Blaine
Dearest Little Vicki,
All of us don\'t get a mommy who is able to teach us about love or the ways of the world. And the longing for that soft guidance makes us cry like new-born kittens from need of nourishment.
It\'s hard, little Vicki, but we must find our own way in the world and discover who and what brings the nourishment that we long for. I just want you to know that you are not alone.
I am here, with the same kind of longing--maybe a little different from yours because we are different people; but with the same universal longing to be loved.
Sadly, what is not universal is forgiveness. Forgiveness from the heart is a good thing for it frees that space to breathe in the love surrounding you today and every day you are open to it. Forgiveness opens that heart space to take in soaring birds, fresh flowers, ant hills, angry bees, soft touch, and words carrying messages of gratitude that you live in this world.
Finally, little one, I hear that you understand the circumstances of your mother\'s life and that understanding has brought forgiveness again...much as I do for my own mother...understand with compassion and forgive from the heart.
I love you little Vicki, come sit with me.
xx
Vicki....that was very moving and I think a lot of us on DS feel the same way about their mothers as you do. I feel huge grief for myself and my mum. I think you are so strong and wise....you do \'mother\' yourself now and you do it very well. Big hugs to you xxxxx
I will go out on a limb and suggest your tears were the relief of forgiving yourself for what you had to go through. It seems to me you let all your grieving out that you\'ve been denying for all those years, a severe form of \"Letting Go\". Good for you.
Lots of Hugszzz,
Rich
WBM: Thanks for sharing! I do believe what you are talking about to be true for me. Thanks-you so much!
SuzA66: Thank-you for the sweet, caring words. I will come sit with you anytime!
TGB: Thank-you for being you. You always touch my heart. Mother yourself gently!
Rich: Yes, I have had ALOT of releasing lately. I think this \"emptying out\" is preparing me to ALLOW myself to \"receive\" all the GOOD that has always been within me...I am preparing AND ready!!!!! Love you Rich!
Hugszzzzz to all!
Vicki
Oh Vicki. I physically felt some of your pain as I read this.
am humbled by your perseverance on your spiritual path. It is an inspiration.
I feel very confused about the complicated relationship between mothers and their children.
You have taught me to step back, set aside expectations and pray.
Hi Vicki,
I agree with ButterCup. These relationships between mothers and children are so deep and complicated in some ways. I think we are always connected. I am glad that you released the feelings.
Hugs,
Shar
My Mom gave me two wonderful things: 1) My physical life 2) My Spiritual Awareness...For this, I will forever be grateful! I\'m not sure what I would have done had I been in her shoes. She did the best she could!
I am glad I had the release also Shar; very healing.
Hugszzz, Vicki
I\'m glad to know I\'m not alone in my experience. Thank you for putting into words: \"But if I tell the truth (small t) I still long for that Mother with skin on. \"
When I write or speak these things, people tell me to \"get over it\" and \"get on with my life.\" I guess they were hugged and loved and given a foundation of nurturing that made them more resilient and self-assured. Or it hits a nerve with them and figure: \"get over it -- I sure did.\"
Thank you for writing of the permission we can give ourselves to mourn what we didn\'t have, what did not just cause pain, but taught us who we were in the world. At least that how I see it (for me): unlovable, unworthy unless available to serve Her Needs.
Self-nurturing is a different flavor from being nurtured by a maternal figure.
I got glimpses along the way. A friend\'s mother giving me milk & cookies. My grandmere calling me terms of endearment, her doughy arms hugging me in her gentle embrace, her unconditional love pouring from her eyes.
But my day to day hell in which I was given mixed messages, in which my survival skills were primed to get me through to adulthood. Those formulative years are so critical, so essential to our well-being. Or what remains after the stuffing has been knocked out.
Taking me years to refill the stuffing. Hard to put it all back in the right order, without lumps and bumps.
I\'m falling away into analogies, so I\'ll stop. But I thank you for sharing your way of finding self-nurturing and self-love.
I\'m glad your mother gave you the gift of life and the foundation of spiritual life.
((Hugs))