merry christmas (scribbling notes)
merry christmas everybody. there's so much to be grateful for..
I was with my family yesterday for most of the day and it was nice.
then I came home and Blue wanted lots of attention..
I went to bed early as that is something I like to do...keep to my usual schedule
and primetime TV no longer holds my attention or interest... It was weird to me yesterday
when we were all together that we were all sitting around the TV staring up at it..
I suppose in olden times there was always someone around who was the story teller
or the musician who entertained the group or perhaps even there was more of a habit
of having lively funny conversation.
So we watched movies and prepared the meal and ate and drank.
Then I came home - packed up with leftovers and then I went to sleep.
I was feeling mighty anxious being on my own again...I was fine before I went out yesterday
but I was lonely - so I went over to my family's house early - and they welcomed me..
I am kind of seeing that when on my own I suppose I have to get used to living again
in terms of my own 'take of things' and there's no real mystery to it - I suppose I feel somehow
that I am looking for some miracle but it's probably just really that simple and calm.
I want to have someone in my life here with me - or lots of friends - there's no need to grind away.
It's really and easy peasy answer. Work, family, loved ones and friends. Keeping busy.
Things are good, will write more later. Sending peace and good kharma, understanding
xo
Replies
Merry Christmas and joy in the wonderful moments and for writing out your thoughts!
Thanks Mid!
Sounds like you had some nice, relaxing times with your family. So glad. Take care.
thanks Becky!
Glad you had a good day with family! Sending continued peace in your direction in theses hazy days of winter. :)
thanks Nikki!!! Went for hot cocoa this morning and then walked the mile at the horse park! Sending peace your way as well!!!
now it's the day after Christmas and I am getting to a point where I am out of answers as to how to entertain myself.
I suppose I'm not entirely - but perhaps it's just that I need to shift gears - writing about my experience here is 'calling me' more than anything else. When I was with my family yesterday - I felt so tense - but it was nice with them - I get so tired socially after an hour or so - and I felt so flawed with my grumbly feelings - but then I just relaxed and let it all wash over me. Everything was good. I came home early because I am used to going to bed early - So I woke this morning
with a little bit of an epiphany. That epiphany was that to promote good mental healthy for myself it's important for me
to structure my time...give myself an orderly life so I don't dip into the miasma of deep weariness and confusion/blindness.
We all have to structure our days - so I thought today about the meals I would have and the way I usually eat.
I also thought about drinking alcohol - and I was wary of just blocking out my experience with that.
I'm trying to live an orderly day - and reconcile that with my middle ages solitary self and I kind of am seeing myself
as this 'old dude' now sometimes- but I won't focus on that. I have beautiful friends here and out there and a wonderful family - who wouldn't pidgeon hole me as such - or try to break my spirit - which is still willing and able :).
So I'll make an orderly day for myself and maybe write some musings here as well. Even if we choose to be a couch
potato - we still have that engine within driving us forward...so be careful to provide for that as well...!! Ordering things
are a way for me to keep mindful of that charge. A little time to write and create really helps as well!!
You guys rock!!! peace and good vibes,
Mark