Mental
I'm nutso right now. My husband weaseled his way back into my home last spring after he got an apartment all his own but then abruptly lost his job. All the wisdom on this site said reconciles rarely work, and we reconciled for all the wrong reasons, and now I'm trapped in relationship purgatory. I don't know what I'm doing. He texts me sweet notes, but never hugs, kisses, rarely interested in sex. He says he wants to die on a near daily basis and explains he's just deeply depressed. I swear, it's contagious.
I know I was stronger without him. I lost 20lbs, went to AA, drank significantly less to none. Now with him back I've gained that weight plus 20 back, I'm drinking again. My best friend dropped in, who's very attractive, and I could feel this sexual chemistry coming from him, like he was raping her with his eyes. She wasn't returning the vibe, but it sent me spiraling. I don't know if it's in my head or if it's valid to be upset if it was present as it wasn't overt in any clinical sense. Am I just madly insecure or what? If he made any indication that he still found me attractive I doubt I'd flip so easily. Why do I care if I lose him anyway? He can't find a job, he never reads, has no aspirations, has a temper with our children. It's co-dependency at it's worse. It's my ego dealing with becoming matronly and frumpy and being stripped of my sexuality.
I feel stuck in regards to school. I feel like I will never actually have a job. I was getting solid grades to be an RN. I was in my final year, and then I broke my wrist two months ago. I wonder how our relationship will work when he resents me for trying to have a real career. He has been evil and inconsiderate when I've been in the pressure cooker for school, picking fights, getting psycho.
He also talks about returning to his home country all the time and recently reconnected with various childhood friends. I feel like they're mostly attractive women and I'm the old maid he puts up with. How can this be a healthy marriage? He use to call me beauty when I was young and thin, and now it's like he doesn't want me to sit by him. I just want to be happy and feel like I'm in a solid relationship with someone who really gets me. I can't let it go that he cheated with a woman half my age and size. It's been a year and I still feel this hatred and suspicion. I don't know what to do.
I know I was stronger without him. I lost 20lbs, went to AA, drank significantly less to none. Now with him back I've gained that weight plus 20 back, I'm drinking again. My best friend dropped in, who's very attractive, and I could feel this sexual chemistry coming from him, like he was raping her with his eyes. She wasn't returning the vibe, but it sent me spiraling. I don't know if it's in my head or if it's valid to be upset if it was present as it wasn't overt in any clinical sense. Am I just madly insecure or what? If he made any indication that he still found me attractive I doubt I'd flip so easily. Why do I care if I lose him anyway? He can't find a job, he never reads, has no aspirations, has a temper with our children. It's co-dependency at it's worse. It's my ego dealing with becoming matronly and frumpy and being stripped of my sexuality.
I feel stuck in regards to school. I feel like I will never actually have a job. I was getting solid grades to be an RN. I was in my final year, and then I broke my wrist two months ago. I wonder how our relationship will work when he resents me for trying to have a real career. He has been evil and inconsiderate when I've been in the pressure cooker for school, picking fights, getting psycho.
He also talks about returning to his home country all the time and recently reconnected with various childhood friends. I feel like they're mostly attractive women and I'm the old maid he puts up with. How can this be a healthy marriage? He use to call me beauty when I was young and thin, and now it's like he doesn't want me to sit by him. I just want to be happy and feel like I'm in a solid relationship with someone who really gets me. I can't let it go that he cheated with a woman half my age and size. It's been a year and I still feel this hatred and suspicion. I don't know what to do.
Replies
Use a prophylactic in these situations as trust has been compromised and he is filth.